Welcome to Weed Weviews, a verbal foible that’s become the very real name of this monthly column. Think of it like our Doin’ Beers series, but for weed. Alright, let's do this!
Have you been to your local THC drink dispensary lately? If you have, you might have noticed the shelves are more sparsely stocked; it’s harder to find certain brands, and some places have shifted their focus to smokeables. Unless Congress gives us a Christmas miracle—Sen. Mitch McConnell (R–Zombies) is Scrooge in this situation—hemp-derived THC drinks, tinctures, candies, gummies, and other edibles will be banned starting December 12. And even if there is a last-minute reprieve, that doesn’t mean sales won’t continue without a hiccup; many businesses have ceased production to avoid a glut of stock they can't sell.
So drink ‘em while you got ‘em, hoard what you like, and support your local businesses while you can—they might not be here tomorrow.
Fetch Cream Soda
About: Hamilton, Ontario-based company Collective Project produces this line of soda-based THC bevvies. Since they're Canadian, they can pack their backs and carry on when the U.S boards the sober bullshit train. And in case you were wondering about that name, Fetch isn’t a Gretchen Weiner thing, it’s a dog thing: 1% of sales go toward local pet shelters. Cute!
Where I got It: $6 at Marigold.
Flavor: I love a cream soda and this is a classic one. I’m not smelling or tasting any green here, just pure drinkable cheesecake (complimentary).
Blast-off time: Probably about 15 minutes. These are easy to down because they just taste like soda.
Experience: There’s 10 mg in each can and no sugar, so you’re gonna feel like you drank a spiked Coke Zero.
Joy Rush Wild Berries
About: Look, I’m a sucker for a tiny can, whether it’s a baby Coke, a Sofia, or one of those lil cocktails waiting for an impulse buyer in the liquor store, so I had to try one of these guys. Anyway, this is an Eden Prairie-based brand whose official website reads a little Californian.
Where I got It: $6 at Marigold.
Flavor: Not bad, but not good? There’s a tartness I think I like, but there’s something sour in here that’s not quite hitting right. I’m getting a smell that reminds me of pencil shavings, and a taste that’s a little plastic-y.
Blast-off time: Probably 20-ish. I sipped this one.
Experience: This is a 10 mg can (it’s getting harder to find anything below that magic number), but Joy is also loaded with vitamins like the Bs (B-3, B-6, B-12), plus potassium and Vitamin C. While the site claims this drink helps with focus and “making better choices,” I can’t say I noticed anything beyond an urge to play video games and text my friends about lunch.
Señorita THC Ranch Water
About: California wino friends Joel Gott and Charles Bieler are behind this weed drink. You know Gott for his eponymous mid-priced wines, while Bieler puts out wine-mom bangers like Three Thieves, The Show, and the boxed wine Bandits. Like most folks managing multi-generational family dynasties, their “passions” are now expanding into agave and weed with their Señorita series.
Where I got It: $7 at Marigold.
Flavor: I had no idea about ranch water; basically it’s supposed to be a watered-down margarita with tequila, lime juice, and sparkling water. It’s delicious. This thing smelled like weed and lime, and there was a a bit of sweet coconut cutting through the citric tartness. Now I gotta try the alcohol version to see which is better.
Blast-off time: Probably about 15 minutes. This went down fast on a hot September day.
Experience: Another 10 mg-er here. The “user instructions” on the product suggests starting with one-fourth of the can. I downed the whole thing in 30 minutes and walked around the lake feeling sunny.
Houseplant
About: That’s right: There’s a THC drink that’s just called… Houseplant. This brand, a side hustle of Seth Rogan and friends, also shills ashtrays, candles, incense, rugs, and what we in the industry call paraphernalia.
Where I got It: $7 at Marigold.
Flavor: I picked up the pineapple flavor. It was totally fine. I didn’t notice any weed notes or unusual chemical flavors outside of the artificial fruit. This just tastes like a La Croix—nothing wrong with that!
Blast-off time: Hm, not sure.
Experience: As a 3.5 mg can this Houseplant was a unicorn. Lower doses have gotten harder to find in stores. That’s a shame, as I know so many people who prefer them—and sometimes I do, too! This flavor was nothing special, but after a day with a mild headache this hit the spot. I didn’t feel high, but I felt slightly more relaxed, which was just what I needed.
