Welcome back to the Weedeater, Racket’s column exploring the exciting world of cooking with cannabis. Each month, I walk you through a tasty new cannabis-based recipe with foolproof instructions to make it yourself. Some are fast and easy. Others, elaborate and oh so very dumb. But all are delicious and leave you feeling real nice. With that, let’s get cooked!
Smashed-adilla
As I write this, it’s been almost two weeks since the Racket review crew took to the streets of the Minnesota State Fair to bravely test and rate all of this year’s official new vendors and foods (or attempts at food). As is the case every year, there were plenty of stinkers on the list with only a few unanimous Scarfs (along with, for the first time, one shrub). While I’ve already managed to smoke out many of the worst offenders from my memory, there’s one that I just haven’t been able to shake: the Smashadilla from the Gass Station Grill.
I hated everything about it, from its diaper-like appearance to its bland, pale gray burger patty to its sweaty, unmelted slice of Gouda. I don’t know what drove the Gass Station to drag the Dutch into this cultural culinary collision, but it feels like a hostile escalation of some sort.
That said, I don’t hate the idea of the Smashadilla, only its execution. With some technique, the correct cheese, and literally any amount of seasoning, this thing could be a real… smash. But as long as we’re making a good version of it, why not add a little weed to the equation?
And thus, the Smashed-adilla is born. The Smashed-adilla differs from the Smashadilla in four ways:
The Cheese
As I said in my review of the Smashadilla, American cheese is the only cheese that belongs on a smash burger or, in this case, a smash burger quesadilla. And the reason comes down to science. American cheese is chemically formulated to melt quickly and evenly. Smash burgers cook extremely fast with only about 30 or so available seconds to melt the cheese after the patty is flipped. If you wait for a slice of Gouda to fully melt, the patty will be overcooked and dry as hell. If you use a slice of American, it’ll melt perfectly just in time for the burger to still be nice and juicy. Save your fancier cheese for thicker burgers where time is less of the essence.
The Seasoning
One of the main differences between our Smashed-adilla and Gass Station’s Smashadilla is in the seasoning: ours has some and theirs didn’t. For ours, we turn (as we often do) to the good doctor. In keeping with the quesadilla side of the dish, I used Dr. Dabs Southwest seasoning to flavor both the burger patty and the burger sauce but any of the Dr. Dabs seasonings would work well here.
The Assembly
While Gass Station’s official description of the Smashadilla states that it’s folded, the one I received from them on the opening day of the fair was far from it. It was served open-face sans any attempt at a fold which gave it its signature open diaper look. Our version rights that wrong and actually resembles a quesadilla.
The Weed
Obviously, the Smashed-adilla has weed in it and the Smashadilla doesn’t, which is probably for the best. Even weed couldn’t make that thing edible. There’s cannabis in three components of this recipe: the burger, the burger sauce, and the Granny’s dill pickle pretzels, which also provide a much needed crunch. But don’t worry, each Smashed-adilla only clocks in at around 10-12 mg of the good stuff. You could always up the dosage by using cannabis mayo to make your burger sauce.
Here’s what you’re gonna need.
For the burger sauce:
- 3 tablespoons mayo*
- 1 tablespoon ketchup
- 1 tablespoon sweet pickle relish
- 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
- 2 5 mg packets of Dr. Dabs Southwest seasoning
- A splash of olive brine (optional)
*NOTE: This would be a great time to use some leftover cannabis mayo from the last time you made Deviled’s Lettuce Eggs!
For the dilla:
- 1 8-9 inch flour tortilla
- 5 oz ground beef (85/15 or 80/20 preferred)
- 1 5 mg packet of Dr. Dabs Southwest seasoning
- 1-2 thin slices of white onion
- 2 slices American cheese
- 5-8 Granny’s Dill Pickle THC Pretzels
- 1/2 cup shredded iceberg lettuce (optional, but recommended)
Here’s what you’re gonna do.
- Make the burger sauce. Add all the ingredients for the burger sauce into a small bowl and mix to combine. Cover and put it in the fridge to chill while we prep the rest of our ingredients. You should have enough burger sauce to make a few Smashed-adillas (or one really sloppy one!)
- Smash your meat. In another small bowl, combine the ground beef and the Dr. Dabs. Mix just until combined, being sure not to overwork your meat. Roll the seasoned meat into a ball and place it in the center of your tortilla. Using a large metal spatula, heavy-bottom pan, or your hands, smash the meatball down into the tortilla until a thin layer of beef covers most of the tortilla. You should only be able to see about an 1/8 inch of the edge of the tortilla sticking out from the beef. Using a chopstick or something chopstick-shaped, create an indent down the middle of the burger patty. This indent will make folding everything together a little easier. Cut the iceberg lettuce into shreds and thinly slice the white onion.
- Let’s cook this thing. Preheat a stainless steel, carbon steel, or cast iron pan until it’s smoking. Drizzle a little bit of cooking oil in the pan and gently place your meat tortilla in it, meat side down. Press the tortilla with a spatula or your hand to ensure the meat gets even contact with the pan. Cook the burger side for two minutes without disturbing it. Flip your meat tortilla using a thin metal spatula. The burger should have a nice crust on it. Working quickly, put your onion slices on the burger followed by the two slices of American cheese. Layering them burger, onions, cheese helps steam the onions a bit while the cheese melts over them. Onto the cheese goes the pretzels. Put the shredded lettuce on one side of the burger patty followed by a healthy drizzle of the burger sauce. Carefully fold the non-lettuced side over onto the lettuce side and press firmly to get everything to stay put. You might lose some lettuce and an errant pretzel may try to break free but just shove everything back in there as best you can. Let the tortilla crisp on each side, flipping as needed. Don’t forget to crisp up the often forgotten about third side: the fold.
- Scarf! Let your Smashed-adilla cool for a minute or two before cutting it into two halves. Admire your cross-section, congratulate yourself on making something that doesn’t look like an open-faced diaper sandwich and tastes 1,000% better than the Gass Station Smashadilla, and scarf!
Or, you can take the easy way out.
Every once in a while, capitalism throws humanity a bone and provides us with an actual benefit to counteract its many evils. For the purposes of making an easy version of the Smashed-adilla, that bone comes in the form of the many locations across these Twin Cities where there’s a Taco Bell across the street from a McDonald’s. Grab a burger from one and a taco from the other and use your own creativity to combine them. Season whatever monstrosity you create with the Dr. Dabs and top with Granny’s Dill Pickle pretzels. If you’re already too high to handle being in public at not one but two fast food establishments, just order the goods from your favorite delivery app. Late-stage capitalism to the rescue again!
Well, that’s all for this one. See you next time!
But wait! There’s more!
If you don’t feel like waiting until lunch or dinner to get a little high, the Smashed-adilla can easily be adapted for breakfast. All you need to do is swap out the beef for breakfast sausage, the southwest seasoning for Nashville hot, the dill pickle pretzels for maple cinnamon pretzels, and the lettuce for hashbrowns. Toss a fried egg in the middle before you fold ‘er up and you’re on your way to a smokeless wake and bake. Pair it with a THC cold brew for an even higher high.
OK, now that’s really all for this one. Bye!
