Welcome to the Weedeater, Racket’s new column exploring the exciting world of cooking with cannabis. Each month, I’ll walk you through a tasty new cannabis-based recipe with foolproof (also foolwritten and fooltested!) instructions on how to make it yourself. Some will be fast and easy. Others, elaborate and oh so very dumb. But they’ll all be delicious and leave you feeling real nice. With that, let’s get cooked!
Hashville Hot Chicken Schnitzel
I recently had the pleasure of traveling to Prague and Budapest. Or, as my pal Cody put it, I “spent a lot of time in countries where they watch handball.” On that trip, I consumed as much as I could of two things: Czech pilsner and schnitzel. Pork, chicken, veal—it didn’t matter. I ate a schnitload of schnitzel. I even had a turkey one on Thanksgiving!
You’d think I would’ve gotten sick of it, but within about two weeks of being home, I was jonesin’ for the crispy stuff. Rather than make the traditional version that wouldn’t get me high, I figured: Why not make a blasted-off version with some Dr. Dab’s Nashville Hot Chicken Seasoning to give it a delicious, spicy THC twist? It kicked so much ass that it was an obvious choice to be the first Weedeater recipe. It was super crispy, it was a little spicy, and it made me feel real nice.
At first glance, schnitzel may seem intimidating, what with the slicing and the pounding and the breading and the frying. But I promise, it all comes together pretty quickly and is actually fairly easy to master. That said, if it does seem too daunting or you’re already too high to function, I’ve included an easier method below as well. Whichever one you decide to make, I believe in you (but please do be careful).
Here’s what you’re gonna need.
For one (1) serving:
- 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast, tender removed
- 1 large egg, beaten with 1 tablespoon of water
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 2/3 cup panko bread crumbs
- 1 or 2 5mg packets of Dr. Dab’s Nashville Hot Chicken Seasoning, depending on your tolerance
- 2/3 cup canola, peanut, refined olive oil (NOT virgin or extra virgin), or other high smoke point cooking oil of your choosing (NOTE: You can likely get two or three schnitzels out of this oil if you’re making more than one serving; monitor how dark they’re coming out and change the oil as needed.)
- Fresh-squeezed lemon juice, salt, and black pepper to taste
- Optional: Cooking weed (weed you smoke before, during, and after cooking)
Here’s what you’re gonna do.
- Pat the chicken breast dry with a paper towel. Using a sharp knife, butterfly it. The chicken, I mean. Please don’t use a butterfly knife to make this recipe despite how cool it will definitely make you look. Place your now-larger chicken breast in a zip-top plastic bag and get your aggressions out by pounding it flat with a meat mallet or heavy, flat-bottomed pan. You’re aiming for a uniform thickness of about 1/4 inch.
- Put the egg and water mixture, flour, and bread crumbs in three separate vessels that are at least as large as your now even larger and flatter chicken breast. Coat the chicken in the flour, shaking off any excess. Give it a gentle little dunk in the egg, followed by a thorough coating with the bread crumbs. Distribute half of Dr. Dab’s Nashville Hot Chicken Seasoning onto one side, along with salt and black pepper to taste.
- Heat cooking oil in a 12-inch skillet to around 375 degrees. If you don’t have a high-temperature thermometer, you can check if the oil is ready by tossing a few spare breadcrumbs in to see if they start sizzling. If they do, it’s fryin’ time!
- Gently place the now breaded, larger, thinner chicken breast into the oil, seasoned side down. Be sure to lay it away from you to avoid any potential splatter. While the first side is cooking, sprinkle the remaining seasoning on the other side. Cook for about two minutes per side, flipping as needed to prevent burning.
- Transfer to a wire rack or paper towel-lined plate and rest for three to five minutes. And hey, now that you’re done with the dangerous hot oil part, why not take a pull or two off your optional cooking weed if you’re using it?
- Give your schnitzel a squirt of freshly squeezed lemon juice and serve alongside a side dish of your choosing. For me, I ate it how it was always served to me in Prague and Budapest, with a generous helping of Czech-style potato salad. It’s lighter, brighter, and more loosely-dressed than its gloopy deli-style counterpart, thanks, in part, to the addition of dill pickles, pickle juice, and boiled carrots. There are tons of recipes out there, but this one seemed closest to the real deal.
- Enjoy your schnitzel and the view from the moon in about thirty minutes.
Or, you can take the easy way out.
Listen, I know not all weed enthusiasts are the same. When I’m good and toasted, I like to have an activity, so making something like this from scratch is the perfect task. But that’s not for everyone. If you’d rather melt into the couch and do as little as humanly possible to enjoy your evening, you too can still enjoy a Hashville Hot Chicken Schnitzel.
All you need to do is take any frozen panko-breaded chicken cutlet, spritz each side with a little cooking spray, and evenly distribute the good doctor’s seasoning along with a little salt. Then, preheat your air fryer (a highly suggested piece of equipment to make every cannabis connoisseur’s munchiest dreams come true) to 400 degrees and cook the cutlet for 18–20 minutes. Give it a flip halfway through. While this method doesn’t yield as crispy a cutlet as the full deal, it scratches the itch in a pinch. And at the very least, it really helped me connect with the saxophone solo on the intro of the Cure’s “Icing Sugar.”
This lower-effort version goes great with lower-effort side dishes. For mine, I went with a packet of instant spaetzle I got from Aldi. And to be perfectly honest, it’s the version I’ve made more often because of how easy it is.
Now, let’s talk drink pairings!
Since these little suckers do pack a bit of kick, you’re gonna want to pair it with something that can cut through it and balance things out a bit. For wine, I’d recommend something with some crisp, like a Grüner Veltliner to contain the spice or a Zinfandel if you want to kick it up a notch. For beer, go with a pilsner, preferably Czech, preferably with the word “Urquell” in the name. And finally, if you prefer to keep things in the THC family, go with the Two Saints’ Premium American Ale. While it doesn’t quite taste like the real deal, it still pairs nicely with the schnitzel and, at 10mg a can, will further aid your aforementioned trip to the moon.
Well, that’s all for this one. Tune in next month, when I’ll show you how to tackle the elusive chocolate-dipped strawberry dipped chocolate strawberries. Don’t worry, you read that correctly. Your schnitzel isn’t kicking in that fast. See you then!
