Wanna Buy Ex-Wild Star Mikko Koivu’s Minnehaha Creek Home?

I've used the lede space in these popular Wanna Buy stories to grouse out loud about my complicity in the home-peeping industrial complex. Due to the reliable rush of clicks, all of our local competitors participate in it—Google, or Google's accurate read of human impulse, seems to reward these types of articles... though should it?

Even for the diversionary value, does it matter that the Edina home owned by longtime Minnesota Wild star Mikko Koivu just hit the market for $2.25 million? Should you care that five-bedroom, six-bathroom, 5,049-square-footer that abuts Minnehaha Creek was built in 2011?

What are you going to do with the knowledge that, based on county records, that's the same year Koivu bought it for $1.85 million? Was it to reward himself for the seven-year, $47.25 million contract he'd signed the previous year? How should I know?

In any case, wanna hear from the property listing?

"Experience the pinnacle of luxury living in this meticulously designed custom home," exclaims Hendrickson Homes Real Estate. "Welcome to a life of unparalleled refinement and comfort."

So, like, should I have learned to code instead of choosing a journalism career in the pit of the '08 Great Recession? Why didn't an advisor, a parent, a friend—a passerby on the streets of Dinkytown!—say something? Is there still time? At 36, am I too old to become some sort of... god help me... influencer? Mail carrier? Cereal box copywriter for General Mills? Or should I be using this time to work on the investigative media reporting piece I've been can-kicking for six goddamn months?

Anyway, we should get back on track... Curious about the many amenities inside 5500 Halifax Ln., ones befitting a brawny Finnish center who drafted sixth overall by the Wild in the 2001 NHL Entry Draft?

• Beams and crown moldings galore…
• Two fireplaces...
• Butler's pantry off the gourmet kitchen…
• “Bespoke bourbon bar”...
• Wine cellar...
• Sauna…
• Ample beige and white tones throughout… 
• Creekside outdoor entertainment areas…

Briefly shifting gears: When's the last time you called your mother? Could you be doing dialing her up this very instant? What's stopping you? Getting to these next three paragraphs, is that what's holding you back from communicating with the person who loves you most in this world? Is it seriously the following three grafs?

Alright, at this point, you might be asking yourself: Why is the ol' Koivu compound for sale? Could it have something to do with the fact he retired in 2021, and saw his No. 9 retired by the Wild the following year? How the hell should I know?!

Wanna take a photo tour of 5500 Halifax Ln., thus relieving me from this psychological pressure-cooker of blog post?

Please?