Now that the temps have dropped into the frozen tundra zone, it’s time for Minnesotans to decide how they are going to spend their days until the thaw. Do we dare to venture outside, where the elements might kill us? Do we head indoors, where the plague awaits? Or, do we stay home and hermit away, sharing stories (streaming services) in front of a campfire (TV)?
No matter what approach you take this winter (or each day), we’ll have options for you every Monday here in Event Horizon.
TUESDAY 2.8
Mario Kart Tourney
Up-Down Minneapolis
There’s a reason they keep making Mario Kart games and a reason they’re consistently bestsellers. Nintendo created an un-fuck-withable and damn near un-fuck-upable franchise when they released the first Mario Kart for the SNES in 1992, and, 30 years later, it’s as fun as ever to tear around the colorful race tracks with your friends, hurling shells and bananas and swear words at one another. This tournament at Up-Down Tuesday night is for fans of the N64 version, one of the best in a series of bests, in my humble opinion. There’s no fee to enter and the event is sponsored by Pryes Brewing, who will be giving out prizes (more like Pryes-es) to those competing. 21+. Free. Sign-up begins at 6:30 p.m.; tournament starts at 7 p.m. 3012 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis; find more info here.—Em Cassel
WEDNESDAY 2.9
Tinder Live with Lane Moore
Amsterdam Bar and Hall
As the 50 million people using Tinder these days probably know, dating apps can be a total shitshow. But hey, they’re also packed with comedy gold. Lane Moore, a New York-based comedian/actress/writer figured this out when she created Tinder Live in 2014, a one-of-a-kind stage show where audiences watch her swipe left, swipe right, message prospective guys and gals, and check out some of the more “creative” profiles in town. “Anyone who has ever seen an online dating site knows that for every great and normal guy you see the next profile is going to be some naked guy stabbing a bear,” Lane told us in September when she was last in town. “There’s a wealth of wild stuff out there.” Still, this isn’t a mean spirited roasting, more like a silly, gentle ribbing. “Hopefully we’re taking something that is generally frustrating and making it really hopeful and light and funny,” she says. 18+. $20 advance/$25 at the door. 7 p.m. 6 West Sixth St., St. Paul. –Jessica Armbruster
FRIDAY 2.11
Geoff Asmus
Comedy Corner Underground
Asmus is a filthy dirtball, a serial button-pusher who riffs on his own premature ejacution, bedwetting, and uncanny resemblance to serial killers. His debut album, last year’s Sisyphus Brewing-recorded The Prodigal Little Bitch, made noise on the iTunes comedy charts, winning fans with material that giddily shocks without veering into calculated edgelord territory. “I’ve been doing comedy pretty consistently for the past couple of months now,” Asmus, a former local, told our pals at MN Comedy last May. “I know it’s irresponsible, but I had to make money. I did get COVID from doing it, though, so I did get punished by God.” Risk angering God by checking him out at the city’s coolest comedy dungeon which is, hopefully, safer as Omicron ebbs. $12. 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. 1501 S. Washington Ave., Minneapolis; find more info here.–Jay Boller
SATURDAY 2.12
Monster Jam
U.S. Bank Stadium
God help me, I love it when the big trucks go “vroom vroom” and then smash into each other! If you’re anything like me, it’s time to get out yer Grave Digger T-shirt and get ready to rumble, because Monster Jam is back at U.S. Bank Stadium this weekend. You’ve got that one that looks like a shark, the one that looks like Scooby Doo, the one that looks like a mean old bull—and you can watch them all fly off jumps and do doughnuts in the dirt for as little as 15 bucks. Watch this compilation of the best Monster Jam moments (it’s mostly crashes and explosions) and then get your tickets here. All ages. $15-$125. 7 p.m. Saturday; 1 p.m. Sunday. 401 Chicago Ave., Minneapolis. —Em Cassel
Shred the Love
Midtown Global Market
Love is a lie, and if you know that to be true then the annual “UnValentine's Day” event Shred the Love is where you’ll meet your like-minded cohort. Looking for closure? You’ll have an opportunity to destroy love letters, emails, and photos, or write a nasty letter to your ex. Need to hit something with a stick? (Don’t we all?) Whack away at a pinata. Desperately need to know what happens next? There’s a lottery to win an onsite palm reading. Ready to make your next mistake? Meet someone while indulging in your choice of two-for-ones: tap beer at East Lake Brewery, chocolate drizzled cream cheese wontons from Pham’s Rice Bowl, margaritas and mojitos at Salsa a la Salsa (which some are calling one of the 12 most underrated bars in the Twin Cities), or cake jars from The Kitchen. 3 p.m. 920 E. Lake St., Minneapolis; find more info here.—Keith Harris
Northrup Nights
Northrup King Building
Once a month, artists, artisans, makers, and more open up their studio spaces for a variety of sales, demonstrations, gallery receptions, and more. There are four floors of spaces and hundreds of artists working out of the building, so you never quite know what you will see here. Some things you will see if you stop by on Saturday night: “SweetArt Salon: Close to Home,” a group exhibition celebrating the (bitter)sweet things in life, including resilience in trying times, being good neighbors, and supporting each other in the community. Kohlman & Pryor Gallery will host a public reception tonight from 7 to 9 p.m. for its fifth installment of its color series. This one is all about blue, a color that was pricey to use during the Renaissance and is getting harder to find these days because of supply chain issues. Another fun fact: according to the gallery, blue paintings are more likely to sell over any other color. Free. 6 to 10 p.m. 1500 Jackson St. NE, Minneapolis. –Jessica Armbruster
Valentine’s Comedy Jam
Orpheum Theatre
To quote the late, great, Harris Wittels: Motherfuckers wanna laugh. Even on sham holidays devoted to romance and sex. That’s the bet being made by DeRay Davis, DC Young Fly, Chico Bean, Karlous Miller, Michael Blackson, and Lil Duval, the all-star showcase of Black comics scheduled for the Orpheum on V-Day. You know Davis as Ray from Barbershops 1 and 2, as well as his Bernie Mac impressions on early Kanye records. Wild 'N Out star DC Young Fly is sneaky huge with almost four million Facebook fans; he hosts the hit podcast 85 South Show with Bean and Miller. Fellow Wild 'N Out vet Blackson (Coming 2 America, 30 Rock) and comic/singer Lil Duval (Ain’t That America, massive 2018 single “Smile”) also bring the yuks plus the star power. $59-$129. 8 p.m. 805 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; find more info here. –Jay Boller
SUNDAY 2.13
Valentines Day Celebration
Up-Down Minneapolis
Okay, I am going to keep this brief, because this is the second time we’re mentioning Up-Down this week, but amid some of the pricier V-Day options, this one kinda rules. For the next three days, Up-Down will be celebrating the most corporate of holiday with a banger deal: For a mere $35, you and your lover/videogame buddy/domme/highschool BFF/whatever will receive SIX tallboys, 80 tokens, a heart-shaped pizza, and a fanny pack to commemorate your evening together. It might not be the sexiest way to spend V-Day, but it sure sounds like fun. 21+. $35. 3012 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis; find more info here. Through Tuesday, February 15—Jessica Armbruster
ONGOING
The Minnesota Ice Castle
Long Lake Regional Park
This year is already bringing us bummer news: Park officials recently warned that it’s probably not going to be a good winter for access to the Apostle Ice Caves. So if you’re looking to see ice doing weird/cool stuff, you’re going to have to venture elsewhere. One option: This massive, man-made ice castle filled with all kinds of things to see and do. The enchanted “home” is made out of millions of tiny icicles that have been pressed together by hand, and the results are gorgeous. There are huge archways and caverns that will make you feel like an arctic explorer, there are ice slides to zoom down, and there are little tunnels to crawl through to discover a magical surprise on the other side. There’s also private, fire-lit VIP alcoves, if you're looking for a romantic date spot… or just a majestic place to social distance. Dress warm and RSVP online to reserve a time to visit. $11-$15; $16-$22 weekends. Thursdays through Mondays. 1500 Old Hwy 8, New Brighton. Through February 13 –Jessica Armbruster
Ice Palace Maze
Stillwater Zephyr Theatre
Getting lost in a land of ice: No, it’s not a life-or-death situation, it’s whimsical winter fun! For this massive ice maze in Stillwater, 775,000 pounds of ice was used to build 10-foot-tall walls that will take you on a half-mile stroll designed to (safely) confuse the fuck out of you. Once you escape you’ll be treated to other things to see, do, and consume. A huge slide is open to kids and grownups alike, hot chocolate and s’mores will be served, and there will be an ice bar pouring delicious booze for those of age. Learn more about this little ice fest here. $20; $12 kids 12 and under. 2-10 p.m. Mondays through Fridays; noon to 10 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays. 601 N. Main St., Stillwater. Through February 20 –Jessica Armbruster
Outdoor Rinks are Open
Various Locations
Now that the deep freeze has arrived, outdoor ice skating has returned to the cities. While this handy map can help you find a Minneapolis or St. Paul park rink, there are also a few new additions and special events scheduled this week worth noting. If you venture out to Eagan (2611 Nordic Way), you’ll find that the Vikings’ training campus is hosting Winter Skolstice, a two-month celebration of ice sports. Multiple rinks will be open for free ice skating (bring your own skates), and there’s a hill for sledding. Pond hockey tournaments are planned, and free curling lessons will be offered on weekends during the Winter Olympics. If you’re feeling bold, there’s outdoor yoga and HIIT workouts scheduled, too. A warming house with Nordic eats, hot drinks, and live music will be open daily to keep you from freezing to death. Out in Edina (7499 France Ave. S.), Centennial Lakes is hosting daily ice skating until the melt. A warming house will have skates available to rent for $8, or take to the ice in your own pair for free. –Jessica Armbruster
Winter Warm-Up
U.S. Bank Stadium
Ever thought to yourself: “Gee, I sure wish I could take a few laps in my inline skates on the very field where the Vikings embarrass themselves week after week.” Well you are in luck! Winter Warm-Up is back this December and January, letting runners and skaters alike zip around the stadium’s main and upper concourses. Family skate starts first at 5 p.m., followed by “athletic skating” from 8 to 9 p.m. Tickets are only available online—grab yours and find additional info via Ticketmaster—and be prepared to sign a waiver in case you pull an Adam Thielen and sprain your ankle. $12 (free for children 3 and under). 5-9 p.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays through January. 401 Chicago Ave., Minneapolis. –Em Cassel
