Alright gang, it’s time for another episode of crazy kids in the '00s trying to find love. (If you missed our previous ElimiDATE recaps, find them here and here.)
This time, our puppet master is Alice, a fashion editor. She’s looking for a guy she can hang out with and chill with. “I have no expectations but I'm going to have a good time,” she says. That’s the right attitude to have for this thing!
We open with another Minnesota montage, this time with some downtown skyscraper shots, a look at the Mall of America, Stone Arch Bridge, and a shot of the Vikings’ old stadium, the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. (Bring back Dome Dogs!)
Round 1: The Guys Make Their Way to Loring Park
The guys are meeting Alice in Loring Park, back when it had a lot of cool water features. “Dating in Minnesota… um, it’s… it’s okay,” she voiceovers, choosing her words carefully. “I don’t really have time to meet guys, and most of the guys I meet kinda are dumb.” Ah, yes. Twenty-somethings.
Time for the dudes. We start with Reed. He’s a waiter who once had a football scholarship. “I’m the master of manipulation,” he boasts. “I get girls to do whatever I want. This is what I do.” Sounds prosecutable!
Next is Chris, a sandwich maker who enjoys skiing. “I don’t like listening to people. I’m definitely selfish and I like to do my own thing.” he says. Why would you say that, Chris? This is not sexy!
Josh is a “model by day, pizza delivery driver at night.” He kinda looks like a preppy/surfer Owen Wilson if he walked into an old-school Abercrombie & Fitch ad. Modeling has helped him learn to deal with rejection when dating and trying to meet people at bars. Right on, Josh.
Then there’s Matt. He really likes to dance. Speaking of the Wilsons, he’s dressed like Luke Wilson’s character from The Royal Tenenbaums. He’s a waiter who’s homeless. “I have this move, it’s kinda like the chicken dance,” he says. “And I like the dip-si-dip, hopefully if I get to the last round you’ll be seeing it.”
Josh asks Matt about the headband. It seems he’s setting him up for an insult, but he immediately follows up with an “I like it!” and a fist bump. Bro support!
Alice asks what the guys do for a living. Josh says he’s a model.
“When Josh said he modeled I started laughing right away,” says Reed. “How could that ugly man be a model?” Damn Reed, that's cold!
They head to Brit's to do some lawn bowling. “Hail Britannia” plays over a lawn bowling montage.
“The lawn bowling was pretty lame,” says Chris.
Matt wants to show the gang something in his backpack. It’s a fog machine. It’s going to make an appearance several times in this episode. “It’s a mobile party,” he explains. “In five years, I want to incorporate it into some sort of party service.”
“Who the hell has a fog machine?” asks Reed.
Alas, Matt struggles to get the machine to work on the bright, sunny lawn of Brit’s. No fog this round!
Alice asks the guys what they look for in a woman. Chris says he likes them older. He’s into “cougars,” which he says are 30-35 years old. Jeeeesus, Chris. The “tigers” are 35-40, and the “grizzly bears” are 40+.
“The last relationship I was in was with a tiger. She was vicious,” he brags.
Alice asks Chris what he thinks about the other guys. He doesn’t get how Josh is a model, he thinks Reed is dumb, and he thinks Matt is pretty cool.
Reed asks Josh if he models for Chubbies. “Diesel!” he responds.
“It’s hard being a little more beautiful than all these other guys,” says Josh in an interview.
ElimiDATION time! Alice cuts Chris. She's looking for someone to be her equal, and the sugar mama thing kinda freaked her out.
Round 2: "I like fog."
Round 2! They are headed to the Lounge, which was a Warehouse District bar and dance floor that was around for a long-ass time. I think it closed when Covid hit?
The guys and Alice are all dressed up, and they look great. At least, I think so—Reed does not agree, and describing Josh as “Billie Idol on crack.” Josh is wearing ripped jeans, one of those pleated surfer shirts that were big in the '00s, and a jean jacket. He looks nothing like Billie Idol, cracked out or not.
“Jean jackets were gone in the '80s,” says Reed. Alice, who also works in fashion, says she has a jean jacket. (I still have a jean jacket I bought from JCrew around the time this aired. It rules.)
Josh says he just got back from Milan, and they’re wearing jean jackets in Milan. Meanwhile, Matt is off trying to set up the fog machine again. He returns to find the guys flexing their arm muscles for Alice.
“I didn’t buy tickets for this gun show,” he says.
It’s time to get fogged. He says he brings it with him when he wants to celebrate life. “This is what makes the mood,” he says. “This is what makes the scene.”
And it’s finally up and running! Alice says she loves it. Hilariously, the show has blurred the fog machine label. No free fog machine advertising!
They all sit down as the fog machine goes off. Matt explains that he’s living out of a station wagon while couch surfing at friends’ places. “It’s my station in the station wagon,” he says. “If I was at a party I’d be like, ‘Hey baby, I don’t got a place to stay. What do you say?’” He can barely keep a straight face while saying this to Alice, who is laughing, and who says she thoroughly enjoyed being fogged.
ElimiDATION time! Josh is out because he lacks energy. He jokingly tells Alice to “fog off.”
“I was flattered that Josh said ‘fog off,’” says Matt, “because he truly understands the meaning of the fog machine.”
“I’m a good looking guy,” says Josh in his exit interview. “I’ll bounce back, come back, and go for it again.” Aw! You sure will, buddy!
Round 3: Fogging Up the Dance Floor
“I’m looking to see who’s got some soul and who can groove a little bit,” says Alice. Whoo boy, I don’t think these white guys from Minnesota are going to be able to do that for you.
Matt is performing some sort of chicken-inspired dance. He’s smiling and making eye contact, which is always a good thing to do on a dance floor date. Then he leaves to bust out the fog machine again, because of course he does.
“The fogging added a little ambiance at first, but then by the end of our dancing escapade I was coughing and choking and couldn’t breathe anymore,” says Alice.
“You’re trying to win a girl over, you’re not trying to make her cough,” notes Reed.
They exit the dance floor for a little lounge and chat time.
“The fog sorta almost killed me a little,” she says.
“Every time I push the button it almost kills me a little too,” notes Matt
They talk about the rounds so far. Matt is amazed Reed made it this far, because he thinks the guy was being a jerk pretty early on in the date. Reed calls him girly because he’s wearing pink.
And that fear of pink pants and femininity is what does Reed in. Girl, me too. I hate that shit. Alice elimiDATES him.
“I need somebody who is a little more open minded to things that are different and people who are different and a little more tolerant,” explains Alice. Matt kind of smiles and nods—hey, that’s him!
They tell Reed to “keep pimpin’” as he walks off.
“My friends are gonna beat me because I lost to the Pink Panther,” he moans in an interview. “It’s alright, I’ll go find some more women. They’re over there.”
“I think Reed was a little more narrow minded, and he seemed to be a lot into himself and the dimension and culture that encompasses guys like him,” says Alice.
“The kid with the gay pants won, that’s alright,” says Reed as he takes a shot alone at the bar. “I’ll just be big pimpin’. Represent.” He does some sort of “aw dang!” arm gesture and walks off “over there,” probably where the women are.
And that’s it for this episode, gang! Hope you enjoyed it.
Were you a contestant on ElimiDATE? Hit me up at jessica@racketmn.com; I would love to talk with you!
