The last movie I saw in theaters was Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another. My theater, Emagine White Bear Lake, had reclining heated leather seats and a full bar. I ordered a glass of wine, and if I were to order food they would have delivered it to my seat. It’s become my theater of choice to lounge in luxury, especially when seeing a movie with a run time of two! hours! and! 50! minutes!
But there was once a time…
It’s the spring of 2004. I’m 10 years old and have free reign of the neighborhood. And by that, I mean I sometimes cut through a few backyards and walk up to the Super America to get a 99-cent fountain drink. Occasionally I would get $10 for doing chores and was able to go see a movie at the local Roseville 4 movie theater for $2 (or a whopping $1 on Tuesdays).
It was the type of theater that showed second-run movies that were out of major theaters but still hadn’t shown up on VHS or DVD yet. The seats were usually broken, upholstered in a dark fabric (presumably to hide stains), and your shoes stuck to the floor if you weren’t careful (and sometimes even if you were). The butter, however, was plentiful.
That’s how I found myself at a showing of School of Rock, the Richard Linklater-directed Jack Black vehicle where a down-on-his-luck goof turns a class of private school students into rock stars. I was not yet of age, meaning, I couldn’t purchase a ticket for this PG-13 movie. The oldest among us was 12, so no dice there either. So our motley crew of four preteens bought a ticket for whatever the G or PG option was at the time (Brother Bear, perhaps?), and as soon as we turned the corner from the ticket-taker stand, we bolted into the forbidden theater carrying our smuggled snacks and giggling.
I remember coming out of that movie thinking, “Dang, do you think that kid who played the drummer will ever notice me? Or should I go for the guitar player?” and “I love movies!” which became a defining personality trait of my teen years.
Alas, the Roseville 4 was demolished in 2008 to make way for a Cub Foods that still stands at the corner of Larpenteur and Fernwood today. Across the parking lot was a Blockbuster where my family used to peruse DVDs for movie night. Now it’s an Aldi.
The last movie I saw at the Roseville 4 was Ocean’s 13 with my dad. I lived close enough to simply walk down the street, take a left, and cross the road. Now, it’s about a 15-minute drive to my closest theater, AMC Rosedale, which opened on December 9, 2006, with its ticket stand outdoors! In Minnesota winter! Its opening ushered in a new era of moviegoing in the Twin Cities: stadium seating, enhanced sound systems, and spendier concessions. And it was clean. No sticky floors, no dropped popcorn to step over.
I was excited! I could feel like I was at a movie premiere in Hollywood right in my backyard!
But with Covid-19, the opportunity to safely visit movie theaters dwindled, and I found myself missing what once was. I am 21 years removed from that 2004 School of Rock experience, and instead of a $2 ticket and similarly priced pop, I spend about $30 every time I go to a movie. That includes tickets (for me, sometimes my partner, too) and whatever concessions I decide to get. Sometimes popcorn, sometimes a personal-sized pizza. Or pretzel bites.
While a 1,400% increase in the amount spent for one movie is pretty darn bleak, I don’t think all movie magic has been lost. It looks different, sure, but as Parker Posey sagely said in The White Lotus, “I just don’t think, at this age, I’m meant to live an uncomfortable life.” Read: broken movie theater seats.
But if you’re still searching for the grit and grime of yore, I’ve found a few places that get as close to my old reliable Roseville 4 as is probably safe for health code reasons. I’ve graded them below on a rubric and included the metrics of cheap, grime level, butter amount, and seat comfortability.
The event: Blade at The Eagles Club in St. Paul hosted by TriLingua Cinema in the dead of January.
I can’t remember how I learned about TriLingua (probably from Racket!) but anything involving vampires is something you don’t need to tell me about twice. It was drafty, I’m not sure the door to the club fully shuts, and there was free popcorn and vampire-themed drinks with plastic fangs!
- Cheap? Check. The movie was free; I only paid $10 for my two vampire drinks.
- Grime level: It felt like a dive bar in that it felt like home.
- Butter level: minimal
- Seat comfort: TriLingua and The Eagles Club had set up standard banquet chairs. Fine, but they’re not heated recliners.
The event: Boogie Nights at the Trylon Cinema for a Paul Thomas Anderson slate of movies in March.
This was, shockingly, the first time I had been to the Trylon. (I live in St. Paul; crossing the river is hard!) But the cool and interesting slate of movies and sleek interior quickly had the Trylon Dirk Diggler-ing its way into my heart.
- Cheap? $8 for a movie ticket isn’t the worst I’ve paid.
- Grime level: None, really. It was very clean!
- Butter level: good to plenty
- Seat comfort: Not incredibly comfortable, I’m afraid. I felt myself shifting around a lot to get a good butt position.
The event: Black Panther opening night at the Grandview Theater in 2018.
Back in the day I was a huge Marvel fan, going to every opening night and buying my tickets months in advance. When Black Panther rolled around, I somehow…forgot? And all the theaters that had heated seats or recliners were sold out. Enter: the Grandview. It was approximately 500 feet from my apartment, and had plenty of tickets available.
- Cheap? I think it was around $10.
- Grime level: It was clean, but the type of clean where a bartender is polishing a dirty glass.
- Butter level: Fine, could have used more.
- Seat comfort: Nonexistent. I hear they renovated their theater shortly, but at the time they were squeaky and creaky.
Honorable mention: Moana at the Riverview Theater in my mid 20s with a bunch of youths. The butter was plentiful and Lin-Manuel Miranda—ya know?
