At this point, you might be asking yourself: Why, Racket, why?
Well, bub, you clicked on the damn article, so you've yielded any moral high ground—sorry! We're going to rank St. Paul's first 24 mayors, based not on accomplishments or failures, but rather on how attractive (or unattractive!) we find these old, white political dinosaurs. Did they serve or did they serve?
Given the current sociopolitical climate, we're 98% certain this frivolous exercise won't get us canceled; plus you gotta factor in very real legal considerations like the statute of limitations, etc. Since we’re productively grilling 2025 Minneapolis mayoral candidates over Mexican food, why not counterproductively objectify their long dead counterparts across the river?
OK, you get the idea: Let's rank these ancient mayors from least to most hot! You might just learn something* in the process. (*You will not.)
Tied for last (aka ugliest) due to lack of photographic evidence: Robert Kennedy (2nd mayor); David Olmsted (4th); John E. Warren (11th); James T. Maxfield (16th and 19th); William Lee (17th); Frederick P. Wright (25th).
Andrew Kiefer, 28th Mayor
Time-traveling Guy Fieri, cursed to subsist on donkey sauce-less hardtack and salt pork, while leading a mid-sized American city.
Daniel A. Robertson, 9th Mayor
Mark Twain's face melts after looking into the Ark of the Covenant.
Jacob H. Stewart, 12th, 15th, and 18th Mayor
Stewart's list of accomplishments is inspiring: A physician who served in the Union Army, only to later become St. Paul's postmaster and three-term mayor after leaving his post as Minnesota's surgeon general. Yet, tragically, a head like a gourd.
Robert A. Smith, 24th, 26th, and 29th Mayor
Wonder if he figured out how to trim his beard before his third term.
Alexander Ramsey, 5th Mayor
OK, actually, this beady-eyed bitch gets demoted to last place for once stating before the Minnesota Legislature: “The Sioux Indians of Minnesota must be exterminated, or driven forever beyond the borders of the state.” That genocidal rhetoric came during his stint as Minnesota's first territorial governor, a post that catapulted him into the U.S. Senate. Rest in piss, Alex!
Edmund Rice, 21st and 23rd Mayor
Do oval, elongated heads turn you on? Well, do they?
Norman Wolfred Kittson, 8th Mayor
Earlier photos of Kittson confirm that dour look wasn't due to the cruel passage of time, although contemporaries seemed to think he was a stud, with one writing, "sprightly, fine-looking man; cleanly and really elegantly dressed; hair just turning gray; eyes bright, with a quiet, pleasant voice; genial in nature and a man of excellent characteristics." The fur trader/horse racer/steamboat operator/railroad tycoon certainly had a sick house.
John S. Prince, 10th and 13th Mayor
Did Prince invent the "Jim Halpert Face"? Impossible for us to say.
Thomas R. Potts, 1st Mayor
If there is a clear dividing line between "hot" and "not," that is where St. Paul's first mayor belongs. He quit the job as soon as he could to go back to practicing medicine.
Bushrod W. Lott, 3rd Mayor
With a name like that, you know our man be fuckin'. But seriously: Abraham Lincoln once appointed Lott as U.S. consul to Tehuantepec, Mexico. Pretty fuckin' hot.
John B. Brisbin, 7th Mayor
A distinguished nose on this ol' silver fox. A real Roger Sterling-type, except instead of selling ads he "did more in the legislature of 1857 to prevent the removal of the capital from St. Paul to St. Peter" than perhaps any other lawmaker, per his obit. We'll overlook the fact that it seems to be smooshing the lower half of his face into his chin.
Christopher D. O'Brien, 22nd Mayor
You know what they say about the size of a man's moustache.
George Loomis Becker, 6th Mayor
MYSTERY MAN. Low floor, high ceiling for this blurred potential hottie or, god forbid, nottie.
Frank Doran, 27th Mayor
Doran was reportedly accused of scheming against Andrew Kiefer, our least-attractive mayor on this list. That didn't stop our hunky king from continuing his long, hunky political career, which came about after suffering as a prisoner of war during the Civil War. He's "giving" (to steal a term from the youths) Bernard Hill—aka Captain Smith from James Cameron's Titanic.
William Dawson, 20th Mayor
That kid wouldn't be so scowly if he knew he was gonna inherit dad and grandpa's Irish good looks. (Dawson was the first Irish mayor of St. Paul—to blame for the streets?)
George L. Otis, 14th Mayor
Hachi machi! Giggity, giggity, giggity! Awwooooooga! *Pants, pants, pants!* Smoooooooooooookin'! Baby, he was born to run... for mayor of St. Paul! Motherfucker looks just like Reconstruction era Bruce Springsteen. In summation: After a failed bid for governor in 1869, this former state lawmaker served for just one (presumably horny) year as mayor of St. Paul.
