Weed Weviews: Some THC Stuff I Sampled in December

Welcome to Weed Weviews, a verbal foible that's become the very real name of this column.

This summer, I made my way through a ton of different THC products—all in the name of journalism, of course. But there’s still so much stuff out there I want to try, so I thought it’s be fun to keep the party going. Each month, I'm going to highlight a few things I dabbled in, be it beverages, gummies, chocolates, candies, oils, or… “other” (weed comes in a lot of different forms these days!). Think of it like our Doin' Beers column, but for weed.

As I've explained a few times before, I am a casual but experienced weed traveler who's familiar and comfortable with the effects of THC, whether I’m just feeling a whisper of the sweet bud or a full-on hurricane. 

Also important: These are just my experiences. As we all know, time and place can impact reactions. So can mindset, experience levels, overall sensitivity to chemicals, and energy level. Everybody’s body and brain is different. So stay safe and be careful out there, folks. 

Alright! Let’s get this party started.

Retro Bakery’s Dark Chocolate Bar with Sea Salt

About: “Minnesota’s first legal THC chocolate.”

Flavor: Retro Bakery continues to knock it out of the park with their sweets. These little squares are delicious. I would straight up eat them with or without the THC. Have you ever tried those Chocolove bars they sell at Lunds? These taste a lot like those treats. I ate these guys two squares at a time, because they’re that good.

Blast-off time: 20 minutes.

Experience: Strong, but still functional! I generally doubled my dose when I took these, but it’s good to indulge, right? On this stuff I got some video game grinding done, wrote a grocery list, made plans with friends. All necessary things I was gonna have to do at some point, though maybe not as obviously productive as getting ripped on a gummy and cleaning for an hour. These gave me good “early planning stages” energy. While these could be good if you want to walk to a movie or play a board game in a pub with a friend, I definitely wouldn’t go to a concert or try to interact at a large party if I wanted to have fun.

Stoneover: None.

Fulton Sparkling THC Water

About: You probably already know these guys for their tasty, ubiquitous beers (Sweet Child of Vine, Lonely Blonde, etc.), which can be found in liquor stores, pretty much every bar, and in their North Loop taproom. They also make some of the best hard seltzer in town (if you like Moscow mules try their citrus ginger flavor). Last month, they launched their first THC-infused bubbly, the appropriately named Fulton Sparkling THC Water. They come in two flavors: lime and blood orange.

Flavor: These are nice and easy to drink. If you’re familiar with Fulton’s hard seltzers, then you should be familiar with the flavor profiles here. The lime reminds me a little bit of a lime-forward gin and tonic while the blood orange has a nice freshness to it. Also fun: If you pour your bevvy into a glass, you’ll see that the blood orange flavor is a delightful shade of pink. 

A tiny bit of backstory: I am newer to weed beverages, and, for the most part, they've disappointed me. I recently chatted with Ryan Petz, Fulton’s CEO/cofounder, that aluminum cans could be leeching the THC out of your bevvy. So I was excited to try their new drinks, which come in glass bottles.

Blast-off time: About 15 minutes. 

Experience: Hey! There might be something to this glass bottle sorcery! I did indeed get a buzz. It was a mild buzz, but it was pleasant. A few times I enjoyed consuming one an hour or so before bed instead of tea, because it imbued a nice mellowness that aided the “winding things down before bed” vibe I was looking for. I could also see this as a nice drink to enjoy socially, since I never felt overtaken by stoned-ness. Fulton is right by the Twins Stadium, and I could see people enjoying this before a Twins game. Think of it as a light beer; just like having a Lonely Blonde, but it’s THC. 

Stoneover? Nope! But I do sleep nice when I drink this.

Retro Bakery’s Unflavored THC Tincture

About: I reviewed this odd little guy here during Weed Week. But, since I am new to this type of THC consumption, I felt I needed to experiment more to fully understand its ways and how to maximize its benefits. 

Flavor: The first time I tried this, I dropped the recommended amount into an off-brand sparkling seltzer. It wasn’t the greatest experience. Yes, I got a buzz, but the droplets wouldn’t really blend with the drink, so I ended up with a glass that had a weird, waxy oil-like sheen on top that stuck to my lips. It felt wasteful! Hot tea did the same thing. Next, I tried holding it under my tongue for a few minutes, which is actually one of the methods of consumption recommended on the bottle. That worked well, but the process/experience/taste is something I usually enjoy, and swallowing it like a big wad of spit was kinda unappealing. Finally, I decided to add it to a drink. First, I dropped two squirts of the stuff into a tablespoon of heavy cream. Then I added some oat milk I had heated up, and dumped a packet of hot chocolate into the mix. The results? Delicious!

Blast-off time: About 20 minutes.

Experience: This could be a versatile way to enjoy THC, but there's definitely a learning curve. I enjoyed adding to hot chocolate, which, along with the warmth of the beverage gave me a toasty, sleepytime buzz. 

Stoneover: Nope!

Cultivated CBD+

About: These guys started as a CBD company working out of the North Loop area. Now they have a line of Delta-9 gummies.

Flavor: Fruity! These taste like Gushers candy or some other trashy gummy fruit you grew up eating if you’re a '90s kid. (I’m an '80s kid, but I eat trash regardless of my age.) 

Blast-off time: About 30 minutes. These are the slowest coming on… but they also have the best payoff. 

Experience: Yeah! These are fun. I felt a little “zany” on these. I read a few chapters of The Mystery of Exploding Teeth, which is a grossly fascinating book featuring tales of medical oddities from hundreds of years ago (key takeaway: people eat weird stuff when they’re drunk). I did a crossword on another night. I had a good time watching a few episodes of Our Flag Means Death (so cute, so wholesome!).

Stoneover? I was often a little slower the next day because I stayed up later than usual.