Wanna Buy St. Cloud’s Famously Freaky Fish House? (Now, Sadly, with Fewer Freaky Features.)

In his musical treatise "Under the Sea," mononymous Jamaican crab singer Sebastian extolled the many benefits of life underwater. "Darling it's better," he assured us, "down where it's wetter."

The previous owner of 32208 County Road 1 in St. Cloud certainly ascribed to that mantra. In 2017, a former listing agent described Dr. Donald Jappert, who would die a year later in Thailand, as an eccentric medical professional with a fondness for world travel and rock music. Those passions were reflected throughout his very Troy McClureian five-bedroom, four-bathroom, 4,087-square-foot estate that was once known as Poseidon's Fortress. "If you say 'Poseidon House,' people in St. Cloud know the property, and may know the owner," the listing agent informed me.

Nestled along the Mississippi River, the custom-built home transported you from the ocean to the jungle, depending on the room. There was a tropical movie theater, a rock-cropped Aztec gym, a cave-themed bedroom, an oceanic living room that transformed into a glowing dance floor, and even sculpted fixtures like a beating red heart and non-beating penises affixed to the walls. The 1.2-acre grounds feature a swimming pool that once sported a mermaid paint job, plus a riverside guest house looking over 150 feet of shoreline. Jappert reportedly spent $700,000 tricking out the 1958 construction, though today many of the fantastical elements have been demolished. (Click here to see it in its oddball prime.)

In 2020, current owner Kourtney Bradford acquired the house when she made a "low-ball offer" of $495,700 (it was previously listed as high as $1.2 million). By early 2022, Poseidon's Fortress was featured among the 12 homes, er, competing on the HGTV show Ugliest House in America, which was hosted by Retta of Parks & Rec fame. It didn't win the grand prize—a $150,000 flip from celeb designer Alison Victoria—but that didn't stop Braford from beginning major renovations later that year. "Haven't had to move plumbing or electricity, just tear out the cement and foam and sheetrock," she said, telling St. Cloud radio station Mix 94.9 that rumors of a secret room were unfounded.

Braford put 32208 County Road 1 on the market earlier this month for $749,000. As you can see below, the towering Poseidon statue remains, as does much of the inlaid art and most of the underwater-themed living room. Gone, however, are the rocky and jungle elements, replaced by tastefully flipped interpretations of normal rooms.

"This well-known property has undergone extensive remodeling, adding modern design and functionality," reads the property listing from Brandi Hansen with Central MN Realty. "The complete lower-level remodel tastefully recreated the theater room, game room, and bathroom."

We'll leave you with these words from Jappert, as pulled from this video house tour he gave in 2014.

"The vision and inspiration I had for this house came from my West Coast and desert life background, as well as my travels to the Pacific Coast of Mexico, to the resort area of Ixtapa-Zihuatanejo," the late former owner explained. "The idea was to create my own little sanctuary here on the Mississippi River, a place that would transport my mind and spirit to the beautiful places of the world that I've visited, and to create a fantasy world where outdoor elements of beauty find themselves inside this house."

"Where else can you dance on the sun?" he added, reflecting on the artwork fashioned atop the hardwood living room floor. "And this is a special sun, too; it is a replica of the logo from the rock band Godsmack."

RIP. Rockers never truly die.

Now it's time for you to dive into a photo tour of Poseidon's Fortress circa 2024, courtesy of the MLS listing.