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Stalin HATED Our Cool Art Deco Post Office

Plus all about caucuses, saying no to Joe, and Kirk Cousins goes to the dentist in today's Flyover news roundup.

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Look how jealous Stalin is!

Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily digest of important, overlooked, and/or interesting Minnesota news stories.

Does Minneapolis Have the World's Longest Chandelier?

Does the downtown Minneapolis post office have the longest light fixture in the world? KSTP investigated and determined … maybe? The P.O.’s 16-ton bronze chandelier runs the length of the lobby—that’s a full 365 feet, which is indeed long as hell. But is it the longest? “It’s a little debatable,” Desai Abdul Razzaaq, a spokesperson for the U.S. Postal Service, told KSTP. “They say it’s the longest in the world.” Hmm, “they” do, do “they”? News of our well-endowed post office traveled the world, eventually reaching the Kremlin, where Stalin (who—I gotta say it, sorry, Tankies!—was not a good guy) grew envious of our chandelier’s length and supposedly ordered a longer one built in a Moscow train station. Was it built? Was it longer? The story doesn’t exactly say. But what, like we’re just gonna take Stalin at his word? Anyway, the length of its lighting apparatus aside, the post office is a very, very cool building. Some have suggested that we turn it into a “riverside attraction.” 

Caucuses! What Are They? When Are They? Why Are They?

The last question is easy: tonight. The rest of it might seem a bit arcane to anyone who’s never participated. Can’t we just vote in a primary like normal states? Well, yes, we do that too—next week, in fact. But tonight is when the parties select the delegates they will send to this summer’s state conventions. And you can be one of them, even if you currently know fuck-all about the candidates who are running. First go to the Secretary of State’s caucus finder, and you’ll find where your party meets tonight. Republicans must be eligible to vote to participate, but anyone over the age of 16 can participate in the DFL process. (This apparently upsets U.S. Rep. Pete Stauber (R-MN), because he’s an asshole.) If you become a delegate, then you’ll have the opportunity to learn about the candidates before the conventions. And depending on how much democracy you can handle, you might even hang out for the part of the evening where folks suggest resolutions to be brought to the floor at those conventions. 

Speaking of Voting… Group Calls Primary Voters to ‘Abandon Biden’

Look, the situation in Gaza right now is horrific, and growing worse by the day. A ceasefire to protect civilians is overdue by months, and yet the U.S. not only refuses to take public action to protect Palestinian lives but continues to provide arms to Israel. Aaron Bushnell, an active duty U.S. airman, set himself on fire this weekend to protest our country’s complicity in the ongoing massacre. Now some Democratic voters, desperate to make their voices heard, are encouraging Minnesota voters to check “uncommitted” on their ballot next Tuesday to send a message to President Joe Biden, the Strib reports. Supporters of the “Abandon Biden” campaign point out that this has nothing to do with the November election, and will not even affect Biden’s nomination as the party’s candidate. "We have a chance to speak directly to our president, who is running for election this year in our state, to ask that he [reverse] course," St. Paul City Council President Mitra Jalali stated yesterday of the effort.

Why Does Kirk Cousins Have a Gold Grill Now?

I don't know—why does Kirk Cousins do any of the Kirk Cousins-ly things that he does? Why did he adopt a wild 'n' shirtless persona known as "Kirko Chainz"? Why does he have a tube full of rocks, one of which he removes every day to remind him he is 24 hours closer to death? Anyway, may this photo of the possibly former Vikings QB haunt your dreams forever. Great work, Dr. Lebster.

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