Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily digest of important, overlooked, and/or interesting Minnesota news stories.
May the Vital Force Be With You, Fellow Gophers
The University of Minnesota doesn’t exactly have money to throw around these days. Funding from the U.S. government is no longer reliable, tuition is skyrocketing, programs are disappearing, and to make up for an additional $150 million they’ll be paying student athletes this year, the U is charging every student a $200 surcharge.
So when a little bird (with tenure) happened to point out to us that the Board of Regents is shelling out $15 million over five years to a local marking firm called Rise and Shine, we got to wondering what our public university was getting for the money.
And here, via a survey sent out to students last week, are at least some of the new branding taglines under consideration:
"Be Vital"? Melania-coded. "Vital Are We"? Downright Yodaesque. "The Vital Force"? I hear you can get that from Hims without a prescription. "The Undeniable?" What are we even doing here, people?
I’m sure an equally ridiculous (though adjusted for inflation) sum was coughed up for “Driven to Discover” 20 years ago. But you know what? It’s paid for. I say let’s keep it.
The U confirmed to Racket that these slogans are on the table. “Input to date has noted clear interest in an evolved brand that extends our commitment to research, while bringing education and service into greater focus—and one that highlights more fully the impact of the University for all,” a spokesperson informed us.
Well, when you put it that way…
No One Is Stopping You From Praying, You Crybabies
Hey everybody, Bill Walsh at the right-wing think tank Center for the American Experiment is mad at liberals again. Of course he is—that’s his job, after all. And what’s Walsh’s not-at-all-wholly-manufactured grievance this time? That when Jacob Frey declared “Don’t just say this is about thoughts and prayers right now. These kids were literally praying,” in response to this week’s horrific shooting at Annunciation Catholic Church/School, the Minneapolis mayor chose to “vilify Minnesotans (and victims of a school shooting) for praying” and was “making crass political points.”
Ordinarily we’d ignore whatever new outrage the CAE’s bad-faith factory is spewing this week, but I suspect this one is gonna stick around. If you haven’t yet heard about “the left’s war on prayer” (I swear, these fuckin’ people...), the Pharisees of American public life will make sure you do soon.
Our vice president, the sort of puffed-up convert who thinks he’s more Catholic than the Pope, is in on the game. And locally, Robert Barron, Bishop of the Winona-Rochester diocese and a right-wing media commentator, has also joined the choir.
If nothing else, this shows yet again that you should just speak your mind, because there is literally nothing you can say that right-wing grievance peddlers won’t twist around.
It should be noted that Walsh goes on, in a completely non-divisive, non-crass, non-political way, to call the shooter “a gender confused man” and condemn “misplaced empathy for people struggling with mental illness.” Get ready to rally around our trans neighbors, because the hatemongers are ready to target them.
Wonder if Bill’s ever heard the old joke about the drowning man? You know the one—devout Christian’s town starts to flood, but he refuses to leave with his neighbors in a boat, saying “The Lord will protect me.” Few hours later there’s another boat; same answer from the true believer. As he’s just about to go under, a helicopter offers to rescue him, but again "The Lord will protect me." Then when he gets to heaven and asks why god forsook him, god replies, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What did you want?”
Well, the CAE wants to keep praying and to let your children drown.
Love in the 4-H Building
Look, we all know those 4-H kids at the Minnesota State Fair are hooking up left and right. Away from home, hormones pumping, the aphrodisiac odor of mixed animal dung wafting through the air… you think they’re drinking milk and playing Mahjong all night? OK, mom.
The Duluth News Tribune has a very sweet story about how six such summer romances blossomed into actual marriages. It’s full of quotes like, “I was willing to help him wash his pigs. He was willing to help me get my sheep ready for the show.” And it’s guaranteed to warm your heart at the end of a rough week in these parts.
As a closing note, I am amazed once again this year at the resourcefulness of the local media, which continues to find new stories to write about the fair. We'll rise to the occasion next year!
Remember When the Deftones Rocked Drunk Donald's?
Every Minneapolitan worth their rock 'n' roll salt knows about the time the Smashing Pumpkins played a free downtown block party to 100,000+ people in 1998. Less known? The time the Deftones played to (considerably fewer) alt-rock fans two years earlier at the tragically leveled Dinkytown Drunk Donald's. (Shoutout to 93X for resurfacing this local music/architecturally significant McDonald's lore.)
There's no such documented lore about the Dinkytown Deftones gig. A Minnesota Daily reporter recently attempted to revisit it; this random guy apparently ended up on crutches after the show. Writes PiPress music critic Ross Raihala: "In 1996 alone, Deftones played 7th Street Entry, First Avenue, Target Center twice (opening for Ozzy Osbourne and Pantera) and the Dinkytown McDonald’s parking lot."
Were any Racket readers in attendance? Sound off at the volume of "Change (In the House of Flies)" in the comments.
