Well, it’s sure been an eventful holiday season, hasn’t it folks? Personally, I feel like years have passed. That person from October 2024? I don’t know her. And now, thanks to time’s relentlessness, we find ourselves in 2025, checking in, emails against the current, circling back ceaselessly into the past. “How’ve you been?” almost feels like a loaded question at this point. Do you really want to know? Thank goodness for advice columns, where we don’t have to hold back.
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When I met my partner, I was younger and struggling financially. While I love them and have been happy, recently I've become much more economically comfortable and I'm starting to question my relationship. We wouldn't have moved in together so quick if it weren't to save money on rent, etc. etc. etc. How do I know if this is just normal unhelpful intrusive thoughts with a side of FOMO, or something deeper? I worry that bringing this up will irreparably damage the relationship, which is otherwise healthy.
-Cohabitator
Cohabitator,
Truly one of the questions of our time. I get it—I’ve expedited a relationship or two due to financial struggles, and I would not recommend. It’s normal to wonder about alternate timelines. Occasionally. But if it keeps happening… then you need to get real about what it is you feel like you’re missing. Adventure? Novelty? A new favorite sandwich? Independence is priceless, but so is a loving partner. The latter shouldn’t take away from the former.
If you’re happy and growing together, and if the sex is fun and frequent enough, you’re doing great. This is not an invitation to push your partner reluctantly into an open relationship, all due respect to our poly subscribers. This is a prompt to ask: What do you want? If you have the financial freedom to travel, learn new skills, expand your horizons, then do it. Don’t underestimate your ability to grow—or your partner’s. Challenge yourself and see what happens. As Heraclitus said, “The only constant is change.” And like Mr. Ping from Kung Fu Panda said, “Change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.”
After years of increasing alcohol use, I attempted Dry January this year and managed to accomplish it. I decided to keep it rolling and here I am almost one year sober. However, as my alcohol use diminished, my THC consumption has skyrocketed. Most of what I wanted to accomplish by quitting alcohol (decrease anxiety, get healthier, improve relationships) is complete, but I have this nagging feeling of dependence on THC that replaced alcohol. This has enabled continuation of some bad habits like evening laziness and staying up late. Should I try quitting THC too?
-THC TBD
Congrats on a year sober! Not an easy feat, especially in the Midwest. Sounds like the Devil’s Lettuce was helpful, to a point. It has been for many people, as you can read here. At the end of the day, you have to be the one in charge, not Mary Jane. It will never make you do the dishes, it will just make doing them slower and more fun.
Community can be a solid support in finding one’s own healthy balance. Maybe check out a local AA meeting and see if that's a good fit for you; you might find some kind folks you can relate to. I’d also recommend an alternate bedtime aid, like magnesium or Celestial Seasonings’ “Sleepytime Extra” chamomile tea. It’s the only tea with the warning label: Do not operate heavy machinery. A break from THC now and then never hurt anyone. If nothing else, it’s economical.
As a fellow Minnesotan (22m) I want your advice about family. I went to college out of state and met my boyfriend there and decided to stay instead of moving back. My family is DEEPLY Catholic and Republican and they obvi hate that I’m gay, but I still want to have some idea of family to fall back on. I’ve been quietly trying to solidify my independence and show that my sexuality/life outlook isn’t going to change and to build better relationships with them, but we seem just to be getting more distant. Any thoughts?
Queer and Minnesotan
QAM,
Authentic people like yourself trigger the heck out of folks who struggle to be themselves, free of shame or fear of judgment. Whether or not your family accepts you is mostly up to chance, and you got the short end of the stick. But you’re young, brave, and out in the world. You have yet to meet all the people who will love you, all of the people you’ll call family. You will have support. It just may not be from your old area code.
It annoys me to no end how the saying “blood is thicker than water” has been misconstrued over time. The original saying, 12th century German, is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” meaning the bonds of your community are thicker than those with your relatives. Even back then people left their homes and were like “thank GOD I made some friends.”
Maybe your family will come around. But it’s up to them. If they don’t it’s their loss. It sucks to be reminded of that distance during the holidays. (It’s not The Happiest Season for everybody, okay Kristen Stewart?) Fill your life with joy and good people as much as you possibly can. Keep on dancing down in West Hollywood or wherever you are. You deserve nothing less.
At a self-serve soup station, is it antisocial to fill your cup with primarily the chunky ingredients, avoiding any ladlefuls of broth only? Or is this a normal and expected human behavior?
Look, this is wrong, and you know it. If you’re in dire straits, you get a pass. But there is an intended experience at the communal soup station. What do you think happens to the broth at the bottom of the pot? Do you just not care? You think you deserve to bolster your cup at the expense of your fellow man? See, this is what’s wrong with our country today. People take red lights as a suggestion and let their dogs bark at full volume in coffee shops. The fabric of society is fraying at the edges! What do we owe one another? Chunks and broth, down to the bottom of the pot!
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