My gosh, it has been a while. How many years has 2025 been so far? At least 100. Nevertheless, it’s Virgo season, time to go back to school and see what you can glean from your local advice column. The tell-tale signs of autumn are creeping in; empty buckets of Sweet Martha’s, favorite sweaters coming off the bench, Birkenstocks swapped out for Blundstones, cold brew for hot brew. Beautiful and terrible things keep happening, and if you squint you can see a tinge of gold on the edge of some trees. William Blake said, “In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.” Whether it’s about love, community, or leg hair, I wonder what we can teach ourselves and each other, since we are all still students of Life.
What’s a good way to ask out a coworker without being weird about it and also you’re both gay?
—Crushing On Coworker
Put down the espresso tamper and tell your coworker about a fun thing you want to go to this weekend and (in a slick way) see if they want to come. After knocking out a slew of annoying drink orders say “Hey, speaking of quad shots, want to see the new Fantastic Four movie?” Or, while you’re cleaning the crumbs out of the pastry case, ask them if they want to go to the midnight circus rave in the abandoned grain silo. Sorry, I just assumed that you’re baristas. Some people would say dating your coworkers is a bad idea. I say it’s one of the rites of customer service passage. If you don’t work in service or retail, that’s a little trickier. Maybe ask if they want to get a coffee and complain about your straight coworkers. But be careful, you might meet some cute baristas.
Hi Pearl,
How do you stay engaged with the daily horrors of the world while also wanting to feel happy (and sane), which seems to require disengaging from the depressing onslaught of news? I want to do both but the latter is starting to feel mutually exclusive from the former. Thank you.
—Freaked Out
Without exaggeration, I struggled so much answering this question that I’m taking Prilosec again. I’ve rewritten this reply a number of times. I’ve asked my smartest friends, a therapist, and a guy from Hinge what they all thought. Sometimes even the advice columnist needs advice. And while I disagreed with the therapist and the guy from Hinge, it was clear that this is an extremely relatable conundrum. The wisest people I know all pointed to two main things: gratitude and community. Cooking a backyard dinner for your friends or bringing supplies to a local mutual aid group, such as Sanctuary Supply Depot, will certainly not make you feel worse. Recent events have confirmed how necessary community is in processing tragedy and despair. People used to say “It’s rude to talk about money, politics, or religion,” but at this point, it’s rude not to. We get one life to live, let folks know what you stand for! Respectfully.
Also, be mindful of where you get said onslaught of news from. We love independent media, of course (insert shameless Racket plug). But a lot of programming is designed to give you 20 panic attacks a day, so be intentional with your media diet. I can’t give you the typical self-care line here, I’m afraid. I think feeling sane at this moment in our timeline may not be the breezy experience we’d like. Frustration can be a useful emotion when put to thoughtful action. I’ve also been recommending to all my friends struggling with anxiety lately to take some MMA classes. Doesn’t hurt to know how to bob and weave. Seriously though, Freaked Out, you’re not alone. And that’s the main thing. Try your best to stop scrolling and connect with people around you. We’re all we’ve got, but it’s a lot!
Hi Pearl,
I have some friends that I'm trying to reconnect with. We used to be really good friends in our early 20s but drifted apart and now we've been hanging out more. We've all changed a lot, and I'm trying not to compare us to our former selves. Any tips on how to do that?
I had to throw out my first response to this question because I recently caught up with some friends from high school that I hadn’t seen in well over a decade and the range of emotions humbled me. Change can be exciting and sad and a relief. It would be weird if you and your friends hadn’t changed at all. You’ve all had to grow, adapt, and evolve. You remember your buddy as a Charmeleon, but now he’s a Charizard. So what? He still knows Flamethrower. He’s still a fire type. It’s bittersweet being able to experience change, but it’s always a blessing. Okay, so your friend is a little tougher looking and more intense, maybe a little sexier, but that’s just Pokém—I mean, life.
How can I feel confident in public with my body hair on display (not full bush), like leg hair, pit hair? I see that everyone in Minneapolis kinda goes au natural but I feel embarrassed by my leg hair.
—Having An Insecure Reaction
HAIR,
Not sure everyone goes au naturale (have you been to the North Loop?) but I get what you’re saying, I also love Modern Times. Look, are you embarrassed by anyone else’s leg hair? No. So why is yours any different? I’m sure you’d tell a friend “Shave it or keep it, whatever’s comfortable.” If you want to feel OK with your own body hair, do a little exposure therapy. Give yourself some time to get used to how it looks and feels. Take care of it. Exfoliate. Buy a bespoke body hair oil (such as Fur). Experiment with various hair configurations. Shave one leg and not the other. Wait, that sounds terrible, don’t do that. Eh, do whatever you want. For what it’s worth, my body hair waxes and wanes, like the moon in the night sky.
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