Many are taking cosmic credit for the Twins finally snapping the longest postseason losing streak in North American pro sports. This very news outlet has done so repeatedly, with Em Cassel claiming her review of Target Field's new báhn mì brat exorcized those ghosts, plus our social media guy attributing Wednesday's Wild Card sweep of the Toronto Blue Jays to this T-shirt. Our rosy playoff preview ostensibly called the shot.
But more convincing superstitious seeds were planted earlier this summer. That's when Twins fans Michael Haas, Joel Gillespie, and Tom Johnson—who you might remember from their 2019 Twins shrine hijinks—seized on the strange orbital statue (pictured below) that's perched atop Target Field. In June, the crew installed something called the Vibes Transmitter 800 inside Stilheart Distillery, located about four blocks from the ballpark. Using the boxy contraption, which is connected to a smaller replica orb (also pictured below), the inventors intended to transmit good vibes to the sister orb at Target Field, thus stoking on-field success.
Or so they hoped.
“Fans this season are invited to present themselves in front of the sphere and vibe with it; they could take a shot, whisper prayers/wishes, or just stand in reverence... [it will] create a powerful cosmic gateway from Twins Territory directly into Target Field,” they wrote via press release, noting that there’s no current plan for boosting the team during road games.
You couldn't miss the thing: The orb was surrounded by two zen gardens featuring "real Metrodome dirt," Homer Hanky prayer flags, commemorative orb programs, and other ephemera contributed by fans, reported Haas, who's quoted extensively in our 2021 deep-dive on Dome Dogs.
"The old baseball concept of team chemistry and intangibles is something we are bringing into the 21st century through the concept of vibes," Haas told us shortly before the switch was flipped, linking the orbs, on June 16. "It'll be on view all season, and nope, the Twins organization doesn't know. We like to keep it kind of unofficial and unsanctioned, but we'd welcome a Twins player down if they'd to procure some vibes."
And here's the crazy thing: It freaking worked. (The Twins organization could not be reached for comment early Thursday, but you better believe we bothered 'em.)
At the time of orb activation, the middling Twins (35-33) were just two-and-a-half games up in the lousy AL Central. They'd get warm in July and August, before going on an absolute tear through September, finishing 85-74 with a comfortable nine-game division buffer between them and the second-place Detroit Tigers.
But, as is often the case when dealing in the paranormal, things didn't go as planned for the Vibes Transmitter 800. Its onetime home, Stilheart, faces the very real-world issue of being sued by its landlord for $211,689.88 in allegedly unpaid rent. A "Gone Fishing" sign posted on the shuttered North Loop distillery's door signaled the end.
The Vibes Transmitter 800 still had work to do, however, and it soon found a new HQ at nearby Fulton Brewing Co.
"The first orb expended so much energy and vibes to spirit the Twins to the postseason that it totally collapsed, taking Stilheart with it; we rebuilt just in time for October and the fine folks at Fulton agreed to host it," Haas told us Wednesday, noting that a historically comprehensive Homer Hankey museum has since been added to the display. "Yesterday before the game, Twins believers were raking the zen gardens and paying respects to the shrine in hopes of lifting the curse of 18 straight playoff losses, pleading, pleading, pleading with the baseball gods. And it worked! The afterparty was wild."
"We take full credit for yesterday’s win and the breaking of the curse," added Johnson.
In a sport where pet goats, lopsided trades, and even Colonel Sanders can spawn decades-long curses, who's to say a proprietary gizmo channeling astral powers across sisterly North Loop orbs can't put the kibosh on such dark magic? "We will continue transmitting good vibes to the Twins throughout the postseason," Haas promises.
As the Twins prepare to visit the defending World Series champion Houston Astros to begin Saturday's American League Division Series, they'll need all the help they can get.
