I have waited. I have bided my time—patiently mapping out the stars and planets, willing them to align and bring about the dead of summer. Now that it has arrived (the last two weeks of July tend to be the hottest of the year here), I must bow down to the great and benevolent goddess of thirst-quenching. In our prayers we call her “Pilsner,” and in our hearts we know that in her crisp liquid divinity, we can find salvation. At least, like, when it comes to being hot and thirsty.
Humid day on your porch? Pilsner. Sweltering afternoon at the beach? Pilsner. Picnic in the park? Pilsner. Cooling off after a bike ride in a thick black T-shirt and jorts? Pilsner. Kissing girls outside Bryant-Lake Bowl while the heat radiating off the Lake Street asphalt washes over you? Pilsner. Going to a show? Pilsner. Accidentally smearing your eyeliner and mascara all over your eyes like a raccoon because you are literally dripping? Pilsner. Saving big money at Menards while buying lumber to build your friend’s new shed? Pilsner. Eating a hotdog and Wavy LAY'S® with a cool 8 ounces of Top the Tater® in the shade? You get the idea.
If there’s one thing I can tell you about pilsners, it’s this: the first pilsner was made in Plzeň in 1842 by Pilsner Urquell Brewery and named… uhhh… “Pilsner Urquell.” And! If you ask anyone in the Czech Republic, that’s the only pilsner that exists. Everything else is just a pale lager. Of course, other folks inevitably tried Pilsner Urquell and made their own pilsners, which inspired even more pilsners, and everyone but the Czechs decided that not calling them “pilsners” was a bunch of nonsense. C’est la vie pilsner.
Fair State Brewing Cooperative: Side Pull
“Světlé” Czech Pilsner / 4.1% ABV / 30 IBU
Fair State’s Side Pull is referred to as a “Czech-style pale lager” or světlé as they call them in the Czech Republic (in apparent deference to Pilsner Urquell being the one true pilsner). I respect that. It’s named after the “Side Pull” faucets traditional to the style, and it’s also my favorite pilsner “Czech-style pale lager” in Minnesota. Its aroma is floral Czech Saaz hops—and very similar to Pilsner Urquell’s. Its flavor is light malt with a light herbal bitter note from the hops. It’s also light bodied, bubbly, and just all around wonderful. Consistent devotees of my ramblings will recall that I covered this beer in my 2024 retrospective. I’m covering it again because it’s delicious, and because it’s now actually available to drink.
Drink this beer on a deck with your friends while discussing the fact that France got a Protected Designation of Origin for champagne, but the Czech Republic will never get one for pilsner despite it being literally the champagne of beers (sorry, Miller High Life).
Arbeiter Brewing Company: Haha Pils
German Pilsner / 5.1% ABV / 38 IBU
I covered Haha Pils in my first-ever Doin’ Beers column, and it’s impossible for me to talk about Minnesota pilsners without mentioning it. It’s just really frickin’ good. Haha hails from the German pilsner tradition. Less funky than Czech pilsners, its aroma is light malt and a hint of earthy floral hops. Its flavor is lightly sweet malt with a mild earthy and lightly astringent bitterness. The epitome of crisp, light bodied, and drinkable.
Drink this one the way I do (after barreling up Sabo Bridge on your heavy-ass bike like an idiot who doesn’t know her limits, leaving you crimson-faced with sweat pouring out of every sweat hole, and your hubris firmly checked until… you do it again for some dumb reason).
BlackStack Brewing: Slopes
French-style Pilsner / 4.6% ABV / ?? IBU
What makes a pilsner a French-style pilsner? Mostly, where the ingredients are from. But also, there’s less of an obsession with the idea that pilsners are made with 100% pilsner malt. Instead, you might find yourself drinking what is technically an adjunct lager with a bit of corn or rice in it—cue gasps and reprobations from Czech and German folks and a hearty cheer from American brewers. The result is generally a very soft and light-bodied beer.
Slopes, from St. Paul-based BlackStack, is in this “technically adjunct lager” category, and uses French Strisselspalt hops which gives it a floral and herby aroma, and a light spiciness with woody undertones. It’s lightly carbonated, crystal clear, and very easy to drink. Do not under any circumstances drink it on a bench near a lake that is part of a Minneapolis park or Minnesota State Park. That would be against the rules. Do NOT do it.
Elm Creek Brewing Co.: Amore Pils
Italian-style Pilsner / 4.2% ABV / ?? IBU
When you hear “Italian-style pilsner” you might assume you’re getting something like Peroni, the classic Italian “pale lager” known far and wide for being… uhhh… OK? But that’s not what we’re talking about here. In fact, what we call “Italian-style pilsners” are a recent invention (as far as beer styles go), and the result of Italian brewery Birrificio Italiano dry-hopping a beer they had originally planned as a traditional northern German pilsner in 1996. And, we only know about the style because Firestone Walker in California picked up the idea and ran with it for their Pivo Pils.
The Amore Pils from Champlin's Elm Creek is a great example of the style, with a very light crisp malt aroma with hints of floral and herbal hops. Its flavor is similarly subtle with light malt and a peppery bitter earthiness. Drink it on a porch at the end of a day where you sweat so much your sunscreen ran down into your eyes and caused you to shout “Ow! Ow! Ow! What the hell?!”
Luce Line Brewing Co.: Piedmont Pilsner
Czech Pilsner / 5% ABV / 35 IBU
Luce Line’s Piedmont Pilsner is another Czech-style pilsner, because of course I can’t limit myself to just one. It has a lot of the same qualities I highlighted for Fair State’s Side Pull above, with a funky (in a good way) and grassy aroma I associate with Czech pilsners and Saaz hops. Piedmont’s flavor skews a bit sweeter and rounder. If I had to guess, I’d say this is from the Plymouth brewery using a traditional “floor-malted” barley. The bitterness here comes across very light, making this an exceptionally approachable example of the style.
Drink this beer while your polyamorous friend tries to explain the concept of “compersion” to you as you cook pizza (with one of those fancy outdoor pizza ovens that somehow make buying propane tanks seem like a good idea again) for your friend and their partner, and their partner’s partner—and their partner’s partner’s friend with benefits who seems like a really cool guy but also like maybe he’s in over his head here.
