If I had a nickel for every time I consumed a breakfast Mountain Dew product for Racket, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?
Back in 2021, I subjected myself to State Auditor Julie Blaha’s disgusting (sorry, Julie!) mixture of Mountain Dew and coffee, a drink from hell she called the "Blahauditor" (I know, I know, "Blaha Blast" was right there).
But like our political leaders, I remain a loyal drinker of Mountain Dew and its associated products, no matter how cursed. And so, when my partner sent me this photo from an Anoka Kwik Trip yesterday…
I already knew what had to be done. I would consume and review a box of the Mountain Dew® Dunker Donuts.
As area gas stations go, it’s no contest: La Crosse, Wisconsin-headquartered Kwik Trip has the best food. The breakfast sandwiches are good, the tendies are tasty—I even know people who swear by the wings. And yes, Kwik Trip’s Dunkers—essentailly old-fashioned donuts available in flavors like blueberry or chocolate—are delish. If any Midwest gas station chain was going to pull off such a dastardly combination, Kwik Trip would be the one to do it.
You could even say I had high hopes for the Dewnuts (which are sold in boxes of six for $3.99). I’m a key lime pie freak and lemon bar lover, and it couldn’t be much of a stretch for the mad scientists at Kwikery, Kwik Trip’s bake shop arm, to go from Pink Lemonade Dunkers to Dew Dunkers.
Now, yes, the Mountain Dew® Dunker Donuts are an unsettling, Shrek-y shade of green, the kind of color that centuries of human evolution should have you raising your hackles over. Honestly, I think the color is kind of off; Mountain Dew is famously piss-yellow, it’s the bottle that’s green. Anyway! Blue 1 and Yellow 5 aside, a Dewnut looks like any other Dunker: You’ve got a craggy ring of cake, with a semi-translucent icing filling the cracks and dripping down the sides.
If you’re hoping for a Dew-flavored donut, you won’t really get that here. The Dunkers are very sweet, but not in a particularly Dewy way… there’s more of a citrusy thing going on. After a bit of dissection, we determined that the cake donut itself doesn’t taste like much of anything. The lemon-lime flavor is all in the icing, which generously coats the radioactive ring. The cake’s texture is good, though—not as moist as some of the best old fashioned donuts I’ve had, but not too dry.
Ultimately, this Kwik Trip x Mtn Dew collab is pretty tasty. “A BOLD COLLISION OF FLAVOR,” as the box promises? I guess, if the collision is citric acid and sugar!
Would I dunk ‘em in my coffee, as the name seems to imply you should? No, but that’s because I find the prospect of dunking any donut in coffee truly vile. If that’s your bag, baby, give it a rip. Do the Dew or Do-nut, I truly don’t care.
And if you do want to try one, you’ll have to act fast. Word of the Dew Dunkers is spreading online; a worker at a Blaine Kwik Trip told my partner they sold 30 boxes in 20 minutes on Monday morning.
“Yes, these are real. No, they won’t be around forever,” Kwik Trip’s social team writes.
You’ve been warned.
