When ‘Snake Mu’fucka’ Glen Taylor Leaves, Could KG Rejoin Timberwolves Organization?

Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily midday digest of what local media outlets and Twitter-ers are gabbing about.

KG's Coming Home?

We love everything about Kevin Garnett—his 14 seasons with the Timberwolves, his scary competitiveness, his surprise acting chops. We don't love the fact he has distanced himself from the Wolves organization since retiring in 2016, mostly due to his distrust of team owner Glen Taylor. Speaking with the Athletic in 2020 ahead of his Hall of Fame induction, Garnett teed off on Taylor. "I’ll always have a special place for the city of Minneapolis and the state of Minnesota in my heart," he told Shams Charania. "But I don’t do business with snakes. I don’t do business with snake mu’fuckas. I try not to do business with openly snakes or people who are snake-like."

As Taylor's sale of the Wolves to Marc Lore and Alex Rodriguez inches closer to finalization, a report emerged Monday that Garnett might be welcomed back to Minny. "Assuming the transaction is finalized," writes ESPN's Brian Windhorst, "there is a chance Garnett will take a role with the organization, sources told ESPN." Garnett, 47, has been rooting hard this season for the Wolves, calling the team "a force" and naming rising superstar Anthony Edwards in the MVP conversation.

The ultimate snake mu'fucka move? That'd be moving the Wolves away from Minnesota, though in 2021 A-Rod issued the iron-clad assurance of "we have no plans to move." (Plans, famously, change, and the stay-in-Minnesota provisions Taylor reportedly worked into the sale contract are apparently difficult to legally enforce.) But let's not dwell in that depressing/hypothetical realm! When Taylor's ass is finally out the door, the first order of business will be retiring No. 21, something KG has refused to participate with under the current regime.

UnitedHealth, Other MN Companies Resume Bankrolling Election Deniers

Would it shock you to learn that, despite constant ad copy claims to the contrary, giant corporations don't believe in anything? Stribbers Briana Bierschbach and Kavita Kumar unearthed additional evidence of that with a Saturday story on the about-face several Minnesota mega-corps quietly made after vowing to pause or forgo financial support to members of Congress who denied President Joe Biden's 2020 election win. Among 'em: foreclosure-happy U.S. Bancorp, cartoonishly anti-union Target Corp., and "evil" agribusiness giant Cargill. But by far the worst offender is Minnetonka-based insurance vulture UnitedHealth Group, whose 88 donations to 42 election-denying candidates have totaled at least $272,000. A UnitedHealth PR rep issued a wormy statement about "engag[ing] in the policy process," a far cry from the chest-puffed defenders of democracy language many of these companies trumpeted post-January 6. In fairness, processed-food-peddling General Mills, doctor-grooming Medtronic, and metro-poisoning 3M stayed true to their pledges, the Strib reports.

Who Wears Cold Shorts?

Minnesota boys, and they do so all winter long. That's according to a fascinating style/culture deep-dive from Atlantic staffer Ashley Fetters, an apparent ex-local who authored "The Boys Who Wear Shorts All Winter." Ya know, this archetype:

"Educators at a middle school and high school in Minnesota confirmed to me that they can count on having two or three of him every year, arriving at school after braving the morning windchill with bare calves," writes Fetters, who spoke with parents, teachers, Mayo Clinic doctors, child psychologists, and a former "B.W.W.S.A.W." to better understand the motivation behind going pantless during winter. One theory? Middle school boys “have such a desire to not seem like a baby" and otherwise appear tough, according to therapist Phyllis Fagell. We recommend reading the entire story, including the less-deep reasoning from the ex-B.W.W.S.A.W. who gets quoted, but we'll piggyback off Fagell and leave it here:

Let's Conclude with a Comic Strip

Until this morning I was unfamiliar with XKCD, the popular and long-running webcomic by Pennsylvanian Randall Munroe. But our own Em Cassel, herself a Pennsylvanian, was delighted to share today's edition, which, as you can see, is locally angled up the wazoo. We agree, faceless comic character: All things should be about Minnesota.