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Weed Weviews: 4 Things I Tried in May

Sampling my way through an honest THC pop, the backyard flavors of Heti, a tropical bubbly, and Jesse Ventura's weed chocolates.

Jessica Armbruster

Welcome to Weed Weviews, a verbal foible that’s become the very real name of this monthly column. Think of it like our Doin’ Beers series, but for weed.

Alright! Let's do this!

Jessica Armbruster

Triple THC Seltzer

About: These low-dose and low-calorie drinks (3 mg of THC and 15 cals a pop) come in three flavors: cherry lemon, lime, and grapefruit. Triple 333 Beverages is based out of Miami, and from what I can tell from its website, the brand is less about attracting stoners and more about appealing to the young binge-drinking crowd who need a hangover reprieve. 

Where I got it/price: I was sent a variety of samples from the company, but its rep says they go for $11.99 for a 4-pack at Total Wine & Spirits. That’s pretty cheap!

Flavor: You know, I've tried a lot of seltzers since I started this column and I gotta say, I appreciate the no-bullshit approach here. So many brands make drinks where in a blind test taste I wouldn’t be able to tell you the flavor. These actually taste like the fruit pictured on the can. That might sound like a low bar, but that’s where I’m at. Also, I dig that these are sweet, but not as sweet as a can of pop.  

Blast-off time: 30-ish minutes.

Experience: I found myself grabbing these when I was in the mood for an easy, mildly sweet drink in the evening, and I brought a few to low-key patio parties and enjoyed them. You should be able to have a normal conversation—but I can’t guarantee you’ll be able to open your friend’s dog gate if needed.

Jessica Armbruster

Heti Hemp Derived THC & CBD

About: This new weed bubbly showcases Minnesota plants and flavors. It’s yet another excellent Indigenous-focused venture from Dana Thompson, co-founder of Owamni, The Sioux Chef, and NĀTIFS (North American Traditional Indigenous Food Systems).  

Where I got it/price: I got these for $7 each at Marigold.

Flavor: These are all super subtle—in the best way possible. The herbs, the fruits, and the carbonation all interplay beautifully, like a gentle breeze carrying a whisper of your backyard to your tongue. I’m being a bit overly poetic there, but for real, these are the kind of drinks that make you pause and consider what you're tasting. There’s a familiarity and a newness, and that will continue to change as you sip. Meadow Cat Nap is sunny, a little tart, and energizing, with wild mint, lemon balm, and dandelion leaf. Marshland Harvest is cranberry-forward, with a touch of currant on the back end. River Path was probably my favorite; the rosehip was dominant, floral and a little sour, while the blueberry came forward in taste and smell every few sips. All were delightful like a really good herbal tea. 

Blast-off time: 15-20 minutes.

Experience: Very nice. These are a low dose at 3 mg of THC, but that 5 mg of CBD adds to the relaxing body high. These are fun to drink with people because we all have different palates, but I also found myself enjoying them alone on my cozy couch like I would with a nice tea blend. 

Jessica Armbruster

You Betcha! Cannabis Co.’s Pineapple Mango

About: Is this Minnesota-made bubbly with the most Minnesota name ever the most Minnesota weed purveyor in town? Probably!

Where I got it/price: This buddy set me back $5 at Marigold. That’s a deal!

Flavor: Tropical! While this may look like a pop it’s really a sparkling water drink, with pineapple-forward notes and a mango aftertaste. Another  A+ here  for tasting like the flavors on the label.

Blast-off time: 15-20 minutes.

Experience: A 5 mg THC drink with maca and yerba mate, so don’t be drinking it at night. This is a daytime beverage for folks who want to spend a Saturday afternoon doing some quick power cleaning, running errands on foot around the neighborhood, or going on a sunny walk with the dog. 

Jessica Armbruster

Jesse Ventura Farms’ 38th Governor’s Select Collection

About: Minnesota’s former governor released his own line of THC-derived products via Retro Bakery on 4/20. When we chatted with him last month, he warned my colleague Jay that he likes his weed extra strong, so I have, uh, high expectations for this stuff.

Where I got it/price: I got these for $25 per chocolate bar (minus a sale discount) via Love Is an Ingredient

Flavor: These are a wild ride, guys. The white chocolate Lemon Pound Cake tastes like Pledge; the floor cleaner flavor actually bloomed in my mouth as I chewed, burning as it made its way down my throat. The Hunters Blood Orange reminds me of one of those orange-flavored/shaped chocolate balls, and it’s just all right. I don’t get blood orange here, but I do get “fruit from the citrus” family. Blue Dream tastes like a blueberry jelly bean had a blind date with a piece of chocolate from an advent calendar. 

Blast-off time: The package says they hit in 45 minutes, but I would say more like five minutes? They are fast-acting! 

Experience: The flavors are kinda all over the place, but the THC is here and you don’t have to eat much to get high. Each piece is 15 mg, so really if you’re being super Minnesota legal, each one-inch chocolate square is three servings. If you don’t dose these right you’re gonna get knocked on your ass, which could be a blast or a nightmare, depending on how your brain is wired. I genuinely liked it and slept great, but I won’t be taking these to any mixed-used social events. If you can get past the flavor you’ll have a good time.

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