Welcome to Weed Weviews, a verbal foible that’s become the very real name of this monthly column. Think of it like our Doin’ Beers series, but for weed. Alright, let's do this!
Clr!ty Coffee Pot
About: I'm working my way through some press packages this season, so these guys are back this month. This go-round, I’ll be focusing on the Shoreview, Minnesota, biz’s line of canned THC coffees.
Where I got it/price: These go for $7 per can at Marigold, or $24.99 for a four- pack online.
Flavor: It looks like coffee and it smells like coffee, but it doesn’t quite taste like coffee. I think that’s because they used coffee extract, not the actual stuff, so the flavor isn’t quite there. It’s not bad—I had no problems drinking it—but it’s not real. Imagine sticking a bottled Starbucks Frappuccino into a replicator; it’s a copy of a copy.
Blast-off time: Around 20-ish minutes.
Experience: These are for the wake and bakers, and I am not one of them. I drink coffee first thing in the morning and then stop because it will keep me up at night otherwise. I enjoy THC in the evening because I know I’ll want to sleep when it wears off. So I had to plan for these, trying them on a weekend where I didn’t have any commitments.
There’s 101mg caffeine per can, which the internet tells me is about the same as a cup of coffee. It definitely sated my morning lag and gave me a high-energy high I used to power clean and organize some bills/finances. I just wish it tasted more like coffee.
Jane’s Relax, Sleep, and Creativity Tinctures
About: When Jane founder/CEO Michelle Courtright was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2017, she turned to CBD/THC to help with pain management and chemo side effects. Seven years later, her cancer is in remission and she’s running her own company featuring low-dose gummies, tinctures, oils, and roll-ons.
Where I got it/price: This is part of another PR package, but I see online these go for $49 a pop.
Flavor: Man, in a market filled with pretentiously named sodas, cheap chocolate, and artificial gummies it’s nice to give my palate a break. These are intended to be dropped under your tongue, held for a moment, then swallowed, so there’s not much taste to them. Relax is minty, and the others are ever-so-slightly herbal.
Blast-off time: About 20 minutes.
Experience: These are nice! There’s a bit of a learning curve with tinctures and oils since you control the dropper. As an alcohol- and cigarette-based society we tend to think of intoxication dosages in pints or puff portions, but once you get used to this kind of ingestion it’s easy. As for the experience, the Sleep one definitely worked. There’s CBN in it, which is (for me) a nice body relaxer, and there’s some melatonin in there, too. Relax was… relaxing. It’s got CBN and THC in it but not melatonin. I can’t say that Creativity gave me creativity, but I did have a good time watching Trap, M. Night Shyamalan’s goofy-ass movie about a serial killer trapped at a tween pop concert.
Offfield
About: This California brand features testimonials from people who run marathons while high. Things on the website seem to be geared toward sporty folks, but not so sporty that they’re doing the kind of thing that requires drug testing to compete.
Where I got it/price: This is another one I found in my fall fridge cleaning, but I'm pretty sure I got it at the Dabbler Depot awhile back. You can also find packs of eight (!) online for $50, which is a pretty good deal.
Flavor: This definitely tastes like watered-down picnic lemonade. But since I’m supposed to be running on the stuff, that wateriness is probably a good thing. Playing sports in high school, I saw a lot of neon Gatorade barf—much like fluffy house cats, runners occasionally need to yak. So if I had to choose my barf, I would take this over a blue raspberry or cherry flavor.
Blast-off time: About 20 minutes.
Experience: Speaking of learning curves… this can is confusing. There’s a little plastic thingy on the top that slides. I don’t know why you need it—I think it’s so you can recap the can for pre- and post-run drinking? Are people running with cans in their hands these days? As you can see from the crinkled mess I left behind, it was hard to get the stuff out of this contraption and into my body. I often found myself squeezing it like a water bottle.
As for the experience, I don’t run much anymore and I am allergic to moldy fall leaves. So I opted for a few HIIT workouts on YouTube and some yoga, stuff my body is familiar with. I’ve had some stoner runner roommates before, so I know running high is a thing. But, since weed can slow down time, to me it just feels like you’re prolonging something you want to feel fast and fun. As for the yoga, it was kinda relaxing. But that’s how yoga be. Anyway, here’s my PSA: Drugs of any kind can knock you out of sync with your body, which can make you miss signs that you’re strained or tired. Tread carefully with sportin’ on THC.
