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We Found It: Bryon Noem Bimbo Dominatrix Ginormous Balloon Boobs Story Has Local Angle

Plus a 'Wanna Buy' no one can afford, a conspiracy nut segues into an immigrant judge, and Weather Loon in today's Flyover news roundup.

Facebook: Kristi Noem

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"And Fuck Your Wife": Hero Dominatrix Unloads on Kristi Noem's Actions as DHS Head

OK, so by now you probably know the *ahem* broad strokes of the very, very funny sex scandal involving ex-Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem's husband.

Bryon Noem allegedly had a years-long affair with a dominatrix sex worker, Shy Sotomayor, whose "bimbo persona" coaxed "tens of thousands of dollars" outta Bryon. Leaked photos show Bryon rocking ridiculously jumbo fake breasts and itty-bitty shorts as he engaged in extramarital sexting. In one photo, a dog watches over its master, who in this context was roleplaying as an "obedient boy" and/or "slave," reports the U.K. Daily Mail. (Dogs are a sore subject in the ultra-MAGA Noem family, and, yeah, Sotomayor brings up the one Kristi infamously shot one at one point via leaked texts.)

What this endlessly hilarious story lacked was a concrete local angle, which frustrated us and (possibly) other Minnesota media outlets considering the Noems hail from neighboring South Dakota. Well folks, a local angle emerged on Friday, again through messages shared with the Daily Mail: Sotomayor was so disgusted over Kristi Noem's handling of Operation Metro Surge in Minnesota that she trashed the former South Dakota governor to her wannabe-bimbo client.

Here's the relevant passage, per the Daily Mail, a scummy tabloid that (for today only) includes Racket as a paywall-bypassing paid subscriber...

Sotomayor's discomfort about her client grew in January after federal officers fatally shot Renee Good and Alex Pretti in Minneapolis under his wife's watch. 

It galled Sotomayor to see the DHS secretary posthumously attack both victims – Kristi accusing Pretti, an intensive care nurse, of 'domestic terrorism' – and she ultimately felt she could no longer remain silent, even while role-playing.

'Did you think that I wouldn't find out who you were?' Sotomayor told Bryon on January 10, three days after Good's killing.

'I knew you knew,' he said.

'Do you care that I know,' Sotomayor said.

'It doesn't matter,' Bryon replied. 'I don't love the fact that you know who I am, but it is what it is.'

'I think it makes it more fun,' she told him.

By January 16 – around the midpoint between Good and Pretti's deaths – Sotomayor said Bryon sounded panicked, telling her he had to go dark to deal with some 'family stuff'.

'Really bad at home. Really bad. I've got to go and figure me out. It's bad. Sorry and thank you,' he wrote.

'I'm here for you,' she responded.

'I've got to stop everything and focus on me. Thank you. I'll be deleting all my stuff,' he wrote, referring to the many online accounts on which they'd been communicating.

'Is it because of everything going on right now with ICE?' she asked.

'And life,' he wrote.

'Yeah I'm sure it's stressful,' she texted.

Then, we have this...

Two weeks later, on January 31, he was back chatting again, this time defending his marriage. 'I do like my wife and I know you don't,' he wrote.

'To be honest. She's not [very] likable,' Sotomayor responded.

'There's no female compared to me. Especially your wife,' she later added.

'True!!!' he texted.

'And f*** your wife. Don't you think, after everything she's done, she deserves this?' she wrote in another thread that same day.

Later, Sotomayor asked, "Like being honest, idk how you can be with her. Why sink with the ship?" Great question, especially as rumors swirl about Kristi Noem's own affair with White House advisor Corey Lewandowski. Bryon Noem didn't respond to the Daily Mail's request for comment. A Noem spokesperson said the family was "blindsided" and "devastated" by the scandal; President Donald Trump said "that's too bad."

Wanna Buy Xcel CEO Bob Frenzel’s Multi-Million Dollar Lake of Isles Home?

You know, the extravagant homes we often feature in our “Wanna Buy” series are typically tackily decorated and frankly look like polished shit. But you could do a lot worse than the house at 2218 Lake of the Isles Pkwy. W. in Minneapolis, which—according to campaign finance disclosures—is the address of Xcel CEO Bob Frenzel and his wife, Sharla.

“One of the most admired homes on Lake of the Isles,” the listing from Lakes Sotheby's International Realty reads. “Well known as the Cream of Wheat Mansion, this home has been lovingly restored and recently updated by John Kraemer & Sons with Twist Interiors. A rare and distinguished residence nestled along one of the most coveted stretches in the Twin Cities. This elegant home seamlessly blends timeless architectural charm with modern luxury, offering panoramic lake views directly across from scenic walking and biking trails.”

The property appears to have been last sold in 2016, the same year Frenzel joined Xcel, when it was purchased for $2.95 million by The Virginie Trust. Finance & Commerce reported that the trust was associated with an unidentified buyer. “Words like grand and regal are overused, but it’s a very significant property,” Barry Berg of the Berg Larsen Group of Coldwell Banker Burnet said at the time.

As for Frenzel, his overall pay increased to $15,998,859 in 2025, up from $12,932,063 in 2024, according to the company’s latest proxy statement. Xcel, as you may have heard, is currently seeking a rate hike in Minnesota that experts say would increase a typical customer's bills by over $120 per year.

What're they asking for the Cream of Wheat Mansion? Why, just $3.4 million.

New MN Immigration Judge: “I Want More ICE”

The Department of Justice has appointed a new Fort Snelling immigration judge, and hoo boy, he is a prolific conspiracy theory nut.

As documented by Madison McVan for Minnesota Reformer, attorney Nathan Hansen is basically a variety pack of bile, posting on socials over the years about Pizzagate, Obama birtherism, Haitian/Ohio bullshit, and misc. voting conspiracies. He doesn’t seem to be great at interpreting the law either; during peak Covid times he recorded himself arguing with the Washington County Sheriff’s Department that it should be prosecuting mask wearers. He’s also a big fan of ICE, proclaiming recently that he wanted “more ICE” on a Washington County Facebook post. (McVan notes that Hansen deleted around 100K tweets while running for district judge in 2024. And yet, so many receipts remain.)

In a sane and just world, none of this behavior would lead to a gig were you get to decide who gets deported. But as noted recently in the New York Times, bringing in judges willing to toe the line is all part of the administration’s plan, so here we are.

Paul Douglas Launches 24/7 Local Weather Startup

Soon-to-retire Minnesota meteorology legend Paul Douglas has one last trick up his sleeve: a new 24/7 channel, Weather Loon, that he soft-launched last month. A potentially savvy biz move in a market that obsesses over all things weather. "I see a future where there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of these statewide and citywide streams," Douglas, whose career spans over decades, tells Nick Halter at Axios. You can watch the Weather Loon stream below—lookin' downright pleasant out there.

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