Things pick up a little in the Love Is Blind world this week, as the chickens have been let out of their coop and are allowed to free roam. OK, let’s do this!
(If you missed our earlier recaps, find them here.)
Episode 10: Oh Spare Me
We open with Dave and Lauren, so get ready for more former fuck buddy drama. Dave spent the night at his place, mostly because he was out until 3 a.m. with friends, getting drinks at Nolo and then ending up at The Basement Bar. He tells her some LIB’ers were at one of the bars, including Molly, whom he refused to speak to. He looks pretty dang hungover.
They talk about Lauren’s former fling again. Dave is worried about meeting her parents, and wonders if they’ll ask him why he can’t move beyond this one issue. Dear god, do they know about that?!
Meanwhile, Monica and Joey are doing a little pre-wedding photoshoot with Monica’s sister, Nicolle, in the North Loop. Joey starts by doing some dabbing and flossing, but eventually he settles down a bit and spins around while Monica piggybacks on him.
“I have a lot of intelligent conversation [sic],” he tells Nicolle. “With her specifically.” He points at Monica.
Nicolle notes that he has a lot of energy while the women in her family are big nappers. “Just because I am a napper doesn’t mean I don’t wanna go and do things,” Monica sasses back.
“I think they are romantically into each other,” Nicolle concludes in a sunny alleyway interview. Compelling stuff!
Next we get a series of really boring dates and parents meeting fiancées. Sara and Ben hang at overpriced (but delicious!) smoothie spot Parcelle (read our review here). Virginia introduces Devin to her mom at Luna and the Bear (which we’ve also reviewed—love those jammy cocktails), and I think her mom is in love, too. David meets Lauren’s mom at a brew pub that I don’t recognize. You can tell their convo is super edited because pizza keeps appearing and disappearing at the table. (Pizza goblets when?) Taylor and Daniel go putt putting at Puttery, but it’s shot guerilla-style, with the camera operator shooting through greenery, focusing on walls, and zooming in at random stuff. Were they trying to shoot there without permission?
Back in bed, Devin and Virginia have a long-ass conversation that’s super boring until Virginia decides to talk politics. Devin says he’s not into politics and asks her if she votes based on her faith. Virginia explains that she’s a Democrat with reservations, and she’s also pro-choice and pro-gay rights. Devin thinks that a man should have a say in a woman's abortion. Ugh.
They agree they’re in alignment on abortion when they clearly are not. Devin says his family is Republican. “My family does not vote that way,” Virginia concludes. Well, good luck with that!
Over at LUSH, Sara introduces Ben to her sister Lisa and her girlfriend, Kelsie. The women both kinda approach the situation like they’re dealing with a relative who has joined a cult, but they don’t want to push them away. Sara talks about their multi-week relationship and it’s just word salad. Her sister’s eye glaze over. “I feel seen and heard,” she assures them. In the background a drag queen is doing a neon-green shot with some friends, and I wish the camera would wander over to them.
At some point it comes up that Sara considers herself “fiscally conservative but socially liberal,” an oxymoron at best and total bullshit at worst. Kelsie perks right up upon hearing this and basically says Ben is in a privilege “bucket” where his political views could have an impact on Sara’s rights.
When asked if they give her relationship with Ben their blessing, Lisa responds with “What do you mean by blessing?” Uh oh. The conversation devolves into qualifiers and semantics. Things are going great here!
Date night! Dave and Lauren are bowling at Bryant Lake Bowl. Dave says his friends wouldn’t believe it because he doesn’t like putting his “fingers in the holes.” Uh, is that a red flag? He then wonders why bowling shoes are ugly. So people don’t steal them, man.
They bowl. We get some splitscreen views; someone in editing got fancy! Dave tells a story about his “loser friend” who has his own bowling bowl. Damn dude, some people enjoy things, OK?
They start to talk about Lauren’s “massive non-infidelity” again, of course. She reminds him that they talked about his overthinking and weirdness about it on the boat and that he asked her to hold him accountable.
“I did, but I wasn’t expecting what I got,” he responds. Lame. He goes on, talking about his sister and how she didn’t expect him to get this far in the show, and she’s mad because if she knew he wanted to get hitched she could have set him up. Yikes.
Lauren is disappointed that she hasn’t been able to meet anyone in his family while he has met her mom as well her dad (off camera). “They don’t meet just anyone,” he tells her. Yikes again!
Things get heated. Frankly, he seems embarrassed to be on the show and doesn’t want to blend what happens here with his real life. Which, fair, but you also signed up for it? He says he doesn’t “want to have this conversation here,” meaning the producers probably want them to go elsewhere to keep major plot points from BLB patrons.
Episode 11: Sliding Down Slopes and Into DMs
We pick up where we left off: Dave can’t deal with Lauren having a bootycaller before she met him. They’re in the BLB theater space, away from prying eyes. Lauren is holding her head like she’s in pain; she probably is. At one point he tells her she sounds like her dad. Oh no. Lauren is upset that he isn’t sticking up for her more, especially with his friends and family.
I feel like I am watching the “we were on a break” fight between Ross and Rachel on Friends. Man, that show sucked.
“Everything was so great, but then everything fell on my head,” he tells her. They break up. Thank god.
“Love is blind, but I don’t think marriage is,” he tells the camera outside, on a suspiciously quiet Lake Street.
And with that, it’s time to do some night tubing at Buck Hill. Wee!
After a ride down the hill, folks convene in the party room. People are doing shot skis and eating bar food.
Molly arrives! She’s ready to cackle at the absurdity of it all and chat with Lauren. They go outside and Molly thanks Lauren for being so nice to her when Dave dumped her. She tells her she has her back. Lauren explains “the drama” for the thousandth time. “Fuck his friends,” Molly concludes. They joke that Dave is probably a virgin and note that he has a bad Instagram, which is such a 2017 insult. Molly suggests that they try to date the same person again. These two are fun together. More Molly and Lauren!
Madison shows up! She has hot pink hair now. Meg and Mason arrive together. They are dating.
Madison is still beefing with Mason but is upset at Alex as well. She tells Lauren that he tried to get back with her as soon as he saw what she looked like. She was like, “naw” but they kept talking over IM.
But wait! There’s more! Alex told her that Meg slid into his DMs and was kinda trying to get with him after the show. “I keep hearing all these things Alex keeps saying about me, and I am so disgusted by it,” she says. Right on, Madison.
Also, according to young women with receipts, Alex is allegedly a really awful/potentially dangerous super creep, especially around underage girls. (Trigger warning for SA and more in that link.) Allegedly.
Back in less creepy happenings, Molly is grilling Dave on what went wrong with Lauren. She rags on him for not defending her to his friends and family. She’s team Lauren. He talks about his fear of his family not approving of her. Molly laughs in his face. He tells her some more stuff, she continues laughing at him. Dave is starting to look a little drunk. An open bar at an event like this? I would be too, Dave.
“She sent me that teary-eyed emoji,” he tells Molly of the text his sister sent him after he told her he had broken up with Lauren. Now that’s funny!
Dave is drunk and ready to try something stupid! He goes over to Lauren and asks to hug her. They do. It’s awkward. She looks like a cat waiting for the human contact to end.
They talk about things again. He wants her back. She’s like, “Naw, I’m good.”
The next day, Sara and Ben go to church. I have been told it’s one of the evangelical Eagle Brook megachurches. You know, the ones with reverse ATMs onsite for donations, the ones that spend most of their money on staff and real estate. They have a podcast called That’s So Megachurch.
The preacher’s sermon seems to be something about spreading Christianity across your social groups. Red flag!
Lauren looks bored. Ben doesn’t look that into it either.
Meanwhile, Joey and Lauren play pickleball at Smash Park and Taylor and Daniel do a Christmas photoshoot, because Christmas is their personality.
Dress time! The ladies are at Beloved Bridal while the dudes are at Machine Shop. Suits are boring, so I’m just going to do a rundown on the bridal choices:
Sara opts for a see-through corset gown. Monica chooses a dress with a big slit up the leg. She flashes everyone and then laughs like a super villain. Taylor chooses a poofy dress with a million buttons down the back, and Victoria opts for a dress that’s all cleavage and glitter. Nothing wrong with any of that, they all look great.
Episode 12: Brides’ Last Ride
Everyone is having their final date as single people. Taylor and Daniel eat dinner on an ice rink. Monica and Joey have sushi at Como Conservatory and toast to “facets.” Virginia and Devin ride in a carriage and enjoy a tasting menu at Travail. He gives her a golden basketball and a jersey for her to “wear at the reception.” Not gonna happen, bud. In an interview she says she’s nervous because he hasn’t signed the prenup yet. Later in the show he does without any drama, obviously he’s cool with it.
Sara and Ben are having a dinner in the woods with one of those igloo tents. Sara tells him she has been listening to some of his church’s sermons online. Turns out they’re OK with LGBTQ people, but they’re not OK with LGBTQ people. “Love does not equal affirmation,” she quotes of their stance on trans people. Ah yes, the “love the sinner, hate the sin” approach. Gross.
Ben claims he had no idea this is what his church’s stance was on the issue. “It’s not like you can Google that stuff,” he counters. First of all, you don’t have to; Sara literally figured it out by going to the church’s website. Also, they have a “pray the gay away” book on their recommended reading list.
Ben seems open to changing churches if it comes to it, but tonight he just wants to “relax and not think” (or, more likely, talk about it on camera).
Bachelor party time! The guys and gals hit the town for an odd and depressing night of partying.
OK, the guys one is sorta neat, but not at all a bachelor party. They head out to the Vikings’ training facility in Eagan and do football stuff with the mascot. They do drills and throw the football into baskets and kick it towards goal posts. OK, I guess? Meanwhile, the gals dress up like old women, complete with oxygen tanks and nightgowns, and head to Mall of America, where they ride a carousel and a rollercoaster. What the fuck is this?
And now it’s D-Day for the show. We’re starting with Sara and Ben, and since they gotta drag this out for another week we know they’re gonna leave us on a cliffhanger.
Anyway, we get a supercut of the couple’s multi-week “journey,” and it’s very boring because we’ve seen all of this stuff before… some of it in this very episode like, 10 minutes ago.
Sara’s family tried their best to plant seeds of doubt. She explains in an interview that her heart is in it but her head isn’t. Red flag!
Ben is ready to get this show on the road! His grandma and mom are too, and they meet him to walk the aisle, but not before telling him to always put Jesus first and never stray from his faith.
When it’s Sara’s turn, her stepfather tells her there’s still time to run and reminds her that marriage is a constant negotiation. OK, this guy here gives banger advice. A+.
They meet at the altar. The officiant, obviously reading from a script, applauds the couple because “looks, ages, and finances… were not a factor for you two.” OK, show, I call bullshit on that, because they all talked about their jobs and lives and how old they were in the pods. Also, we all know they’re not casting any uggos here. I mean, c’mon Love Is Blind.
And that’s it! They end the show before they can say “I will.”
The credits roll, but Netflix cuts them off in an attempt to make me watch Venom: The Last Dance. See you next week, folks!
