July is one of those months where I’m all about them crispy bois.
“Crispy boi,” for those who aren’t hip with the lingo, is a technical term. It’s a broad category of beers that are clean, crisp (duh), refreshing, and which also seem to have a certain masculinity to them—not a hard masculinity, but a soft masculinity. We’re talking Ryan Gosling, not Dwayne Johnson. Ira Glass, not Joe Rogan. Brandi Carlile, not Kid Rock. In beer terms: lagers and light ales, not hop bombs and stouts.
And like… isn’t that what we all need right now? The liquid equivalent of Pedro Pascal being interviewed while laying on the floor with puppies? I say “yes.” Actually, correction: I say “hell yes.”
56 Brewing: Crispy Business
Czech pilsner / 4.4% ABV / 12 IBU
Minneapolis's 56 Brewing refers to Crispy Business as the “crispiest boi around” on Untappd, which I consider incredibly savvy marketing if you’re targeting millennial lesbians who do beer reviews in Minnesota. You might say that a sample size of one is pretty small, but so is the number of millennial lesbians doing beer reviews in Minnesota. I mean, they may have captured the entire market with that one.
Now, is Crispy Business the crispiest boi around? I’m not sure I’d go that far. We are blessed with a lot of crispy bois on tap and on shelves around Minnesota right now. However, I think it is undoubtedly the crispiest boi around. If you don’t see the difference there, then I’m sorry, beer probably just isn’t for you. Please try another vice. There are plenty to pick from.
Crispy Business has a lot of my favorite traits of Czech-style pilsners. It smells like light crackery malt with a slight Saaz funk, and its flavor is very clean light malt—but not too dry—with some Saaz hop character. It’s very light-bodied (as you might expect of a diminutive boi at 4.4% ABV) and finishes even and smooth. The end result is a very friendly and easy-to-drink pilsner.
Talking Waters Brewing Co.: Farmer’s Tan
Cream ale / 5.8% ABV / 16 IBU
You can’t get into a conversation about crispy bois without someone telling you they like cream ales. And once someone mentions cream ales, it’s only a matter of time until someone mentions Castle Cream Ale. It’s like talking about '90s alt rock with your friends only for someone to walk up and say they like the Foo Fighters. And then someone else says, “Bro, ‘My Hero’ is my favorite Foo Fighters song.” And yes. Sure. Why not. But… is that the only Foo Fighters song you know? Could I interest you in any other Foo Fighters Songs off of The Colour and the Shape? It’s full of bangers. “Everlong,” anyone?
With that said, is Montevideo-based Talking Waters’ Farmer’s Tan the “Everlong” to Castle Danger's Castle Cream Ale’s “My Hero?” I don’t know, ask someone with synesthesia—I just write about beer and have a penchant for overly involved metaphors. What I can tell you is that Farmer’s Tan is quite tasty, and a solid choice for any fan of '90s alt rock. Its aroma is light malt with cracker notes leaning toward the sweetness of Ritz crackers rather than drier saltines. It tastes like lightly sweet malt with a fermented honey edge. If you’ve had mead or beers with actual honey in them, you’ll know what I’m talking about, but basically, slightly spiced and “warm,” with a very light herbal hop character.
Arbeiter Brewing Company: Tokki
Korean Rice Lager / 4.8% ABV / 11 IBU
Tokki has been a staple at Longfellow’s Arbeiter Brewing Company after first debuting in 2023, and for good reason: It’s really tasty (and it has Minnesota Brewer’s Cup awards to show for it). Personally, I’ve been a fan for a while now. I have a soft spot for all rice lagers (good and bad) after a study abroad experience in Japan left me with a lot of memories (good and bad) fueled by what was, in hindsight, an unhealthy amount of rice lager. But here’s the thing: As much as I have deep personal experience with all manner of Japanese rice lagers, I know nothing about Korean rice lagers. Nada. Zilch. Yeong.
So I can’t tell you whether it is a “good Korean rice lager.” No one really talks in concrete terms about the difference between Japanese rice lagers and Korean rice lagers, so the frame of reference is basically… vibes. Trying actual Korean rice lagers hasn’t helped. Sure, it could be a Nigel Tufnel's amp situation where the distinction is meaningless. But… this one is Korean. That has to mean something, right? I could probably email Arbeiter about this and get the answer, but my pride says “ANIYO.”
Here’s what I do know: Tokki makes my mouth happy. It has a fun, grassy, and funky hop aroma. However, its flavor is very mild, with a light creamy sweetness. Asahi Super Dry (my favorite Japanese rice lager) is comparatively very dry and much more bitter. Is this the difference between Korean and Japanese rice lager? I DON’T KNOW. But god damn if I’m not going to keep enjoying myself some Tokki. Pair it with literally any food, and send me a DM saying “gamsa.”
BlackStack Brewing: Spaghetti Western
West Coast IPA / 7.1% ABV / N/A IBU
Hold up, a West Coast IPA on a list of crispy bois? Yes. Well, sort of. You see, exactly how “West Coast” Spaghetti Western is… is up for debate. It’s brewed in St. Paul with Italian pilsner malt, which makes for an especially light body with crackery malt notes. OK, there’s the “spaghetti.” But… does it have West Coast flavors? No, not really.
None of the classic West Coast hops show up in Spaghetti Western’s aroma or flavor. Instead, it’s built off of Mosaic and Strata, which are quintessential hazy or “juicy” IPA hops. As a result, it has a light tropical hop aroma, and its flavor is slightly dank berries—especially blueberry—instead of the typical citrus/pine notes in more typical West Coast IPAs. That said, it does finish bitter, just not at “hop bomb” levels. It all adds up to “nice and crispy,” regardless of what you decide to call it.
Double Elbow, Utepils Brewing Co., & Humble Forager Brewing: Edel-Pils
Pilsner / 5% ABV / N/A IBU
Anyone who hasn’t figured out that Rochester punches well above its weight when it comes to beer is missing out. Of course I, as a professional beer sophisticate, am well aware of how good Rochester’s beer scene is. This is what they pay me the big bucks for, hun. So when I saw a beer on the shelves at Ombibulous produced by two great Rochester breweries working in collaboration with our benevolent lager overlords over at Utepils, I knew I had to get it in me STAT. That’s a medical term. I’ve been watching The Pitt, so I know these things.
I know what you’re going to ask, “OK, sure, but how does it feel to get Edel-Pils in you?” Good, man. It feels good. Edel-Pils is modeled after north German pilsners, but uses all American ingredients (pilsner malt from Colorado, and Hallertau hops from Oregon). The result is a bit “punchier” than most north German pilsners, but no less delicious for it. It has a dank herbal noble hop aroma skewing sage. Do you want some sage notes in your pilsner? Yes. Yes, you do. Why did I even ask? And when it comes to taste, it’s all herbal bitterness over lightly sweet pilsner malt. It balances out pretty well, but definitely on the more bitter (rather than malty) side. A crispy bad boi, if you will.
…BRB, I gotta find a little black leather jacket koozie to dress my other cans of Edel-Pils up in.
