I recently started testing out Threads as a replacement for my Twitter addiction. You know, the good old “trade Nazis for vapid influencers” maneuver—we’ve all been there, right? As part of this experiment, I needed to see how Threads would handle someone starting an argument. So, I did just that. And, of course, I started an argument about hops:
How’d it go? Well, I must say Threads scored pretty well on the outrage machine index. I got replies from folks who took it personally, replies from apologists, replies from linguistic experts trying to explain to me how I misunderstood the phrase “I don’t like hops” and what people really meant by that phrase (which in no way addressed my point), and replies from people who had to have the last word no matter what. I even got a couple of people assuming my gender (only men talk about beer, don’tcha know). All in all, an incredibly successful test. 10/10, would gladly be the annoying beer lady on Threads again.
However, in the process of testing things out, I also gained insight into the psychology of the hop haters. Enough insight, in fact, to develop a five-step program that should cure the poor folks who think that they dislike hops—a flower that can taste like just about anything from black pepper to mangos and everything in between—and get them right with god. Here goes...
BlackStack Brewing: Stacks in the Park
Triple DDH IPA / 9.7% ABV / ?? IBU
Step One: Give them a big boozy hazy IPA like this one from BlackStack. Counter to whatever notions you might have about triple IPAs, hazy booze bombs like this are the best starting point for a hop hater. They're sweet, lush, and—dare I say—comforting. They're also stacked with hops. They’re basically the “big naturals” of the beer world.
Stacks in the Park is everything a big hazy ought to be. It has a strong aroma of sweet mandarin citrus, and its flavor is all lush tropical fruit and stone fruit. So sweet. So boozy. So hoppy. Yet in a way that will confound the hop-haters who haven’t tried an IPA since 2016. It’s not bitter, it’s not herbal, it’s not piney. It’s just big, soft, and beautiful.
Humble Forager Brewery.: Eastern Seaboard
DDH New England IPA / 5.5% ABV / ?? IBU
Step Two: Dial it back a bit, but stick with the hazy theme—something closer to 5-6%, like this one from Humble Forager. Humble Forager’s Eastern Seaboard is pillowy, with a strong citrus flavor accompanied by the aroma of flowers, and a slight grassy bite. A prior version of this beer incorporated lactose, but it’s not mentioned on the can anymore, and I’m not picking it up. Honestly, the lactose would probably make the beer even more approachable, but I think I prefer it this way. As is, it’s quite approachable and a good transition into some of the more floral and vegetal flavors you can get from some hops.
Wooden Ship Brewing Co.: Ms Gnomer
Belgian-style IPA / 6.7% ABV / ?? IBU
Step Three: Hand them something they will struggle to call an IPA, but which remains undoubtedly an IPA. For example, Ms Gnomer from Wooden Ship. I’ve always had a soft-sport for Belgian-style IPAs, and this is a great example. Is it a Belgian beer, or an IPA? Yes. Yes it is.
This beer has all the great banana and clove, medium body, and bready malt you’d expect from a Belgian beer. But then, it also has a bit of added earthy bitterness from the Perle hops that elevates it to IPA status. If I hadn’t gone into it knowing it was a Belgian IPA, I could have been convinced that Wooden Ship just made a whoopsie and doubled the hop bill of a Belgian Blonde—the hop flavors are spot on and very at home with the Belgian vibes.
Mankato Brewery: Mad Butcher
West Coast IPA / 6% ABV / 30 IBU
Step Four: If your poor friend who “doesn’t like hops” has made it this far, it’s time to re-introduce them to West Coast IPA—just not a hop bomb. Mad Butcher, from Mankato Brewery, is a great option here. It’s citrus forward with a very moderate herbal bitterness. The citrusiness is reminiscent of what you’d find in a variety of cocktails, and far more approachable than any Negroni, so maybe couch things in that if they need a bit of a pep talk. It’s without a doubt a West Coast IPA (the exact sort of beer that these “I don’t like hops” folks are talking about when they make their broad over-generalizations) but it’s also approachable and delicious when given the time and space to be what it is.
Wabasha Brewing Co.: Basement Ghost
West Coast IPA / 7.3% ABV / 35 IBU
Step Five: For this final step we’re going with another West Coast IPA. However, this time we’ll go with one with less citrus, and more resin and pine. Wabasha Brewing’s Basement Ghost is perfect for this, and a resiny ode to the traditional West Coast IPA. The Centennial, Chinook, and Simcoe hops used here used to be ubiquitous, and now they’ve practically become nostalgic. No doubt, the beer that hurt our hop-hating subject tasted something like this. But, as with many things, a little bit of context goes a long way to changing your perceptions, and the first four steps of our program should have hopefully provided that. If so, they’ll know that this Basement Ghost is more Casper than Poltergeist. And god willing, we’ll have one less annoying person running around saying they don’t like hops.
