You probably remember Lt. Bob Kroll as the tough-talking former head of the Minneapolis Police Department's union.
In a move that summons this ClickHole meme, Mayor Jacob Frey met news of Kroll's 2021 retirement by saying his "initial reaction was just two words: good riddance." By that point, Kroll's big, cop-mustachioed mouth had fried trust with just about everyone outside of law enforcement.
Minnesota Reformer's J. Patrick Coolican provided a nice memory-lane rundown of greatest Kroll hits, including allegations that he: called Attorney General Keith Ellison a “terrorist”; used a homophobic slur to describe an aide to former Mayor R.T. Rybak; once rocked a "white power" patch on his motor cycle jacket; and likened Black Lives Matter to a "terrorist organization."
In early 2020, after Kroll appeared onstage in Minneapolis with “wonderful president” Donald Trump, the police veteran of 30+ years allegedly received a Facebook message calling him a "Nazi piece of shit." Here's Kroll's full response, per an old City Pages article: “Keep spewing uniformed shit from your computer in your moms basement, loser. If you hate me so much, why don’t you stop by and beat the shit out of me?…My bet is it won’t happen, because you are a cowardly cunt.” Months later, Kroll's reaction to the police murder of George Floyd inspired ex-MPD Chief Janeé Harteau to call him a "disgrace to the badge."
Which brings us to today, when Bob Kroll re-emerged as... a hamburger critic for right-wing grievance mill Alpha News? Incredibly, yes, Kroll is now co-host of Bob & Rob's Burger and Brew Review. (Alpha News bills Rob, another retired cop, as "Goody.") In the first episode, the buddies journey to Cowboy's Saloon in Lexington, Minnesota, which we learn used to be a firehouse.
As a host, Kroll is far from loquacious, instead offering grunted praise of the "soft bun" and "pull-tabs" at the "fantastic place." The fiery personality who once called an online stranger a "cowardly cunt" appears subdued as he stuffs his face. Goody, meanwhile, rhapsodizes over the exurban establishment with the gusto of someone who may or may not be taking part in sponcon. To Kroll's credit, he orders his half-pound Black Angus burger at the proper medium-rare temp; Goody dishonorably orders his medium-well—"unlike Bob who likes his mooing!" Viewers glean intel about Cowboy's generous drink specials and voluminous burger menu, though we never hear which burgers our critics are munching on. Goody observes the encouraging sign that firemen eat at the tavern, to which Kroll offers: "All they do is sleep and eat." Both men are pleasant and complimentary to the staff. Goody gives Cowboy's a 9.2 out of 10, Kroll gives 'em a 9.4. (These guys read too much Pitchfork.)
Post-meal, Kroll advises viewers to "Let us know where you want to send us… don't send us where you'd like to send us." The lawless Mad Max-ian streets of Minneapolis? Hell? It's unclear what he means. Kroll grins with boyish mischievousness as he orders a second pint, and the three-minute episode wraps.
The series is already attracting solid reviews over on the Alpha News YouTube page. "It’s great y’all are giving exposure to these establishments, especially after what dictator Timmy did to these small businesses," raves one early fan.
Thus concludes our recap of Bob & Rob’s Burger and Brew Review. May we never speak of it again.
Click here to revisit what our critic thought of the stupid new book from Liz Collin, the former TV news anchor who happens to be Kroll's wife. Deborah Copperud's dramatized account of Kroll dribbling chewing tobacco on his wife is downright poetic.
