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You Will (Not) Be Surprised by How Many Xmas Movies Are in Theaters Right Now

Pretty much every movie you can see in theaters this week.

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed; A Muppet Christmas Carol
Photos provided

Whole lotta seasonal movies out there, friends. Be careful or you just might catch the Christmas spirit.

Special Screenings This Week

Thursday, December 8

Evangelion:3.0+1.01 Thrice Upon a Time (2021)
AMC Rosedale 14/AMC Southdale 16
The Evangelion saga continues, as all anime sagas must. $16.13. 7 p.m. Also Sunday 4 p.m. More info here.

Smyrna (2021)
AMC Rosedale 14/AMC Southdale 16
A historical drama about the 1922 burning of the city of Smyrna, Greece. $16.13. 7 p.m. More info here.

The Godfather (1972)
Grandview 1 & 2
Saw a trailer for this at the Grandview last week and a very loud man declared “Now that’s a good movie” authoritatively. $12. 9:15 p.m. Also Saturday 11:59 p.m. More info here.

The Bishop’s Wife (1947)
The Heights
Cary Grant plays an angel. $12. 7:30 p.m. More info here.

Judy’s Thoughts (2022)
The Main
A short film about a mother’s last thoughts, recorded while dying of cancer. Followed by a discussion with the filmmaker, MPR’s Cathy Wurzer, and a grief counselor. $15. 7 p.m. More info here.

Bad Santa (2003)
Parkway Theater
What’s Billy Bob Thornton up to these days? With pre-movie Worst Santa Costume Contest. $9/$12. Contest at 7 p.m. Movie at 8 p.m. More info here.

Battle for Pandora (2022)
Trylon
Haha. you can’t copyright the name of planet, James Cameron. $8. 1 p.m. More info here.

Jingle All the Way (1996)/Totes Recall Live Podcast Recording
Trylon
If you go to this screening of the Minnesota-filmed Xmas romp (followed by a podcast on the flick), make sure to re-read our in-depth oral history first so you’re prepared. $11/$13. 7 p.m. More info here.

British Arrows Awards
Walker Art Center
It’s that time of year! Most screenings are already sold out, so if you’re interested, hop to it. $15. Thursday-Sunday. Showtimes and more info here.

Friday, December 9

A Christmas Story (1983)
Riverview
Meet a midwestern family that’s actually reluctant to buy their child a weapon. $4. Through Wednesday. Showtimes vary. More time here.

Elf (2003)
Riverview
Hide your cats! Everyone’s favorite visitor from Melmac is back and—oh, sorry, it’s Elf. $4. Through Wednesday. Showtimes vary. More info here.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)
Riverview
Starring America’s two most beloved actors, Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid. $4. Through Wednesday. Showtimes vary. More info here.

White Christmas (1954)
Riverview
Bing Crosby! Danny Kaye! Rosemary Clooney! Vera-Allen! Christmas! Vermont! $4. Through Wednesday. Showtimes vary. More info here.

It Happened One Night (1934)
Trylon
Eighty-eight damn years old and still funny as hell. $8. Friday-Saturday 7 & 9 p.m. Sunday 3 & 5 p.m. More info here

Saturday, December 10

A Christmas Story (1983)
Alamo Drafthouse
You know the drill—one joke per movie per week. $10. 6:30 p.m. More info here.

Christmas in Connecticut (1946)
Alamo Drafthouse
Barbara Stanwyck is a famous food writer who must hide the fact that she can’t cook. $10. 12:25 p.m. More info here.

The Met: Live in HD: The Hours
AMC Rosedale 14/AMC Southdale 16/Emagine Willow Creek
Turns out they made an opera about that book about Mrs. Dalloway. $26.50. 11:55 p.m. Also Wednesday. More info here.

Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch (2018)
Emagine WIllow Creek
Oh jeez, I forgot they made another Grinch. Karloff or GTFO. $8.45. 4:30 p.m. More info here.

Gremlins (1984)
Emagine Willow Creek
You had one job, Billy! $10.75. 7 p.m. More info here.

Sunday, December 11

Little Women (2019)
Alamo Drafthouse
Just how small are they? $10. 12:15 p.m. More info here.

Elf (2003)
Alamo Drafthouse
Look, at this point just assume if you wanna see Elf in the next few weeks, you can. $15. 3:45 p.m. More info here.

Girls Will Be Girls (2003)
Emagine Willow Creek
Three actresses (all played by men) try to sort out their careers. $10.75. 7 p.m. More info here.

Scrooge (1970)
Emagine Willow Creek
Albert Finney sings! $8.45. 4:40 & 7:30 p.m. Also Wednesday. More info here.

A Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Parkway Theater
Wait a minute—Michael Caine isn’t a muppet. Or is he? $5-$10. 1 p.m. More info here.

Three Colors: White (1994)
Trylon
Julie Delpy, at her meanest and French-est, divorces her Polish husband and he’s forced out of the country. $8. 7:15 p.m. Also Monday-Tuesday 7 & 9 p.m. More info here.

Monday, December 12

Tokyo Godfathers (2003)
Alamo Drafthouse
Tokyo Godfathers is a Christmas movie. $10. 6:30 p.m. More info here.

5,000 Blankets (2022)
AMC Rosedale 14/AMC Southdale 16
That’s too many blankets. $16.13. 7 p.m. Also Tuesday. More info here.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
Emagine Willow Creek
Finnish kids discover the tomb of an evil Santa. $10. 6:25 p.m. More info here.

Elf (2003)
Emagine Willow Creek
Never heard of it.Through Wednesday. $7. 4:30 p.m. More info here.

Edward Scissorhands (1990)
The Heights
Apparently Tim Burton didn’t want Tom Cruise for the role because the actor wanted to know how Edward peed. A valid concern, imo! $12. 7:30 p.m. More info here.

Tuesday, December 13

Batman Returns (1992)
Alamo Drafthouse
You will not believe how many penguins are in this movie. $10. 6:30 p.m. More info here.

Wednesday, December 14

Child’s Play (1988)
Alamo Drafthouse
Possessed dolls—is there anything they can’t do? $10. 6:30 p.m. More info here.

Secret Movie Night
Emagine Willow Creek
Pick Jeanne Dielman, you cowards! $10. 7 p.m. More info here.

Harry Potter & Sorcerers Stone (2001)
Grandview 1 & 2
Magic isn’t real, you know. $12. 9:15 p.m. More info here.

Boogie Nights (1997)
Trylon
The good old days of porn, P.T. Anderson-style. $13. 7 p.m. More info here.

Opening This Week

All The Beauty and the Bloodshed
Incredible new Laura Poitras doc about Nan Goldin. Recommended and then some.

Christmas Bloody Christmas 
Oh no! Santa is a murderbot!

Emancipation
Will Smith is an escaped slave.

Empire of Light
I regret to inform you that this appears to be A Love Letter to the Cinema.

Spoiler Alert
A cancer weepie.

Father Stu
Back in theaters for Xmas, I guess? Yet every movie I want to see is yanked in a matter of weeks.

2nd Chance
A doc about the inventor of the modern bulletproof vest.

To the End
A look at the women behind the Green New Deal.

White Noise
I can’t imagine this Don DeLillo adaptation working, but we shall see. 

Ongoing in Local Theaters

Aftersun (read our review here)

The Banshees of Inisherin (read our review here)

Black Adam

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Bones and All

Devotion

The Eternal Daughter

The Fabelmans (read our review here)

I Heard the Bells

The Inspection

Lyle, Lyle Crocodile

The Menu

She Said (read our review here)

Spirited

Strange World

Ticket to Paradise

Violent Night