So it happened. The dreaded breakup.
Doesn’t matter if you saw it coming a mile away or you were blindsided. It’s here. It hurts. And no amount of hindsight will speed up the grieving process.
Instead of regrettably texting your ex late at night or Googling “How long does a heartbreak last?,” try sending yourself on a breakup tour of Minneapolis and St. Paul and see the cities in a whole new light. You’re already emotionally radioactive, you might as well use the town as infrastructure. Think of this as creative zoning.
Welcome to the Twin Cities Tour of Sadness™. Oh, the places you’ll go. The things you’ll see. The people you’ll aggressively try to forget. Since breakup aftermath usually comes in phases, use this guide to meet you where you’re at.
1. Shock and Denial
Location: Clubs, punk shows, and anywhere that pretends exclusivity still exists
“Ground zero” is defined as the point at which an explosion occurs, making it the ideal location to begin your breakup journey: right at the rupture.
This phase is about pure hedonism. No reflection. No lessons. Just vibes and bad decisions that "future you” will have to litigate. The best start? Ground Zero. Yes, that Ground Zero. It’s a club. It’s a sex dungeon.
The hangover will be wicked. That’s fine. This is not the time to catastrophize about the future. This phase is about gluttony, excess, and pretending you’re having fun until your body believes you.
If kink clubs aren’t your thing, go to a punk show. Those loud, sweaty rooms where everyone looks like they’ve been wronged by life are incredibly comforting. Turns out you don’t need a therapist; you need distortion pedals. (You can find some upcoming punk shows here.)
This is also a great time to eat like a Victorian orphan who just inherited money. Only big, heaping portions will satiate. Visit places like Kramarczuk’s, Buca di Beppo, or Angela’s Soul Food Kitchen. Order some takeout and enjoy the lively atmosphere while you wait for your family-sized meal. In your case it’s a family of one, but you don’t have to tell anybody that.
2. Anger and Resentment
Locations: Coffee shops, bowling alleys, and places that let you throw things
This is the phase where you could talk about the breakup for days. You need an audience. Ideally a rotating one. Enter the coffee klatch, a term that literally means “coffee gossip.” (Paging a verklempt Linda Richman…) In this case you are both the person spilling the tea and the tea itself.
Caffetto Coffee Shop (yes, the place with the infamous basement bathroom) is great. Or there’s the Silver Fern in the Northeast, which serves seasonally themed coffee flights (basically a charcuterie board for caffeine addicts). Or try C.R.E.A.M. Café or Rick’s Coffee Bar; both will let you sample flavors, including honey lavender matcha and snickerdoodle, while you recount the same argument for the fourth time with your patient friend.
When words stop working, move your body aggressively. Bryant Lake Bowl is perfect because bowling is physical rage made socially acceptable. Other options: batting cages, Up-Down Arcade Bar (button mashing!), paintball, plate smashing.
3. Bargaining and Negotiation
Location: Bookstores, therapy, yoga studios, spas
This is the phase where people typically embarrass themselves. You romanticize the past. You become selectively forgetful. You start thinking things like, “OK, but what if we just tried it a different way?”
No. Stop. That’s bargaining. That’s your brain lying to you.
This is the phase for intervention. Personal therapy. Group therapy. Or at the very least a bookstore where you can quietly read about the phases of a breakup and realize you are not having a unique spiritual experience, just a well-documented psychological response.
Consider a trip to the Central Public Library in downtown Minneapolis. The building itself is a work of art with its modern glass promontory that appears to pierce the sky and dapples the grand atrium with bright slices of sun. There’s also the self-help book section, if the breathtaking scope of the structure doesn’t provide enough serotonin and guidance.
If your body feels like it’s vibrating, try yoga. Hot yoga. Kundalini. Something that forces you to breathe instead of drafting apology texts in your head. If you want to outsource calm entirely, book a spa day at any of the following: Salt Cave, Spa Sweet, Watershed, Sabai Body Temple, or Aveda. Let a professional touch your shoulders so you don’t call your ex “just to check in.”
4. Depression and Sadness
Location: Animal shelters, Mia
Sometimes taking the focus off yourself is a way to buoy the spirits. The mere act of helping vulnerable people or animals can reframe a low mood and re-channel pain into good deeds. Above all, being in service of others is also one of the kindest things you can do for yourself as you mourn.
Consider visiting some lonely animals at The Midwest Animal Rescue and Services (MARS in Brooklyn Park). On March 5, they’re partnering with Stanley’s in NE to raise money to continue their mission of rescuing, fostering, and rehoming animals. Grab a beer and dinner (and dessert and whatever else you can consume) because 10% of sales will be donated to their non-profit.
Another way to remember that you don’t have it so bad is to visit the Minneapolis Institute of Art (Mia). Specifically the Victorian-era period rooms. They’re beautiful and majestic with haunted vibes. This was an era when interior design leaned heavily into repressive darkness: dark wood paneling, austere portraits, post-mortem paintings of children, arsenic soaked, toxic wallpaper. Very bleak.
If you’re looking to escape the prison of your own mind and lighten the burden instead of vibing with it, other period rooms might offer more of a reprieve. The Frank Lloyd Wright Hallway (taken from one of his homes on Lake Minnetonka)—and, truly, the entire Wright exhibit—is the diametrical opposite of doom and gloom, featuring cypress, oak, and cedar to create cozy, welcoming spaces. Wright loved sunlight, and he enjoyed beckoning it and bending it into rooms by filtering it through his colorful leaded-glass windows.
5. Acceptance, Growth, and Moving On
Location: Annoyingly responsible places
This is post-breakup clarity. It’s the least cinematic phase but the one that actually sticks. You take responsibility, or at least pay the consequences. You make a dentist appointment. You schedule a physical. You eat vegetables on purpose.
You pick up a hobby that requires focus: running, photography, DJing, LEGOs, bouldering, finger boarding. Something that keeps your hands busy and your phone face down. Whatever you do, do not go back on the apps. (Also, whatever you do, don’t become a DJ; I know I suggested it, but it’s wrong and I’m sorry.)
A few options:
- Take a queer pottery class at Mudluk Pottery Studio, owned and operated by women.
- Get into something a little more dangerous at the Chicago Avenue Fire Arts Center (CAFAC) where you can learn the not-so-subtle art of welding and flameworking.
- Drop in at Gamezenter for a community tabletop competition at Magic: The Gathering Commander Night. Or come on a Wednesday for the weekly “Paint and Take” event where for $10 you can try your hand at painting a plastic model.
- Do you have a love for LEGO and the military? That’s a very specific combination of two interests! Thankfully, there’s an entire store built around the concept.
- Do you enjoy drunkenly knitting things? Join a craft group that meets at breweries like Venn Brewing’s Sip and Knit or try a GetKnit meetup.
Congratulations on making it through to the other side! While breakups are unavoidable, spiraling is optional. Remember: The Twin Cities will still be here when your ex isn’t.
