Pretending to be apolitical when you’re actually conservative? The ultimate relationship killer this season. Welcome to the Minnesota dating scene.
On episode 13 of Love Is Blind, we pick up right where we left off: Sara and Ben are about to take their seven-week relationship to the next level with a legally binding lifetime commitment.
Sara says no.
Amazing. Ben’s not on her “wavelength,” she explains to him and their friends and family. Ben’s facial expression doesn’t move an inch while everyone in the audience looks shocked, disgusted, and traumatized. There are gaping mouths, a few people having strokes, and some mild indigestion.
Ben says he’s still open to “growing the relationship.” Sara pauses for a minute and responds, “We’ll see.” Awkward! Double-dumped in front of an audience.
Sara walks herself out while laughing and saying she’s fine.
“He is everything I want, pretty much,” she says in an interview. She explains to her mom and sister in the limo that Ben not having an opinion on Black Lives Matter—or anything of any weight—made her wonder if he’s willfully ignorant or just not very smart. Her sister laughs when Sara says she asked him about his church’s values and he said he didn’t know.
“Sometimes I wonder if it was surface-level love we had,” she ponders in an interview. “But there was no curiosity coming from his side. Equality, love, the vaccine—at least have the conversation.”
Meanwhile, Ben is acting bummed in a way people are bummed when they find out their favorite beer isn’t on tap. “We both align where we’re similar, but we’re not aligned perfectly,” he says, demonstrating his intellect. “I was myself the whole time.” But were you, dude?
Ben and his bros for Christ decide to pray: “Heavenly father, thank you for this awesome time.” And that’s really all you need to hear.
Joey and Monica Time!
Can these two kooky kids make it work? Joey gets out of a limo and rolls up to the wedding venue… on a skateboard. Of cooourse.
The dudes put on their blue floral shirts and play football in the lounge. Meanwhile, Monica tells her sis and friend that she doesn’t feel like he’s ever let his guard down or really committed to her.
Monica puts on her wedding dress and starts flashing everyone her leg again. I’m glad someone is having fun.
“It feels like this has been my life for a very long time,” says Monica, demonstrating how the show fucks with time perception. Her mom assures her that this is happening and it is real and that she should follow her heart. Her sister Nicolle tells her to “listen to your vagina.”
Joey skateboards down the aisle because he’s such a wild and wacky guy. They have a wheelchair in the front row representing his sister who died, which is sweet. Monica walks down the aisle with both parents and that silent scream laugh she does that makes me wonder if she is dissociating. Hang in there, lady!
“My family always says I could have a relationship with a wall, and I did,” Joey jokes at the altar. Hm, that’s kind of an insult.
Vow time! Monica says “I don’t right now,” because she feels they’re not ready. “That’s totally OK,” says Joey. They hug, she cries. He thanks her for saying nice things about him. They have such brother/sister vibes. Monica walks out in the snow alone and rides off in a limo.
In an interview Joey blames Monica’s sister for not being supportive enough. Dude, that is not what’s going on here.
Virginia and Devin Implode
Now it’s time for Virginia and Devin to do the deed—or choose to ride in the limo alone.
Devin tells his dad he “really knows Virginia” even though it’s been less than two months. His niece gets to be flower girl, which is very cute until you realize this could end up being another dumping ceremony. Devin’s mom really wants them to get married.
I doubted Virginia’s commitment to Devin the second I saw that she chose to wear clear, plastic heels to the ceremony. Girl, your feet aren’t going to survive after a few hours in those!
Her dad tells her to “enjoy every minute” of her big day. Well, that depends on how things go, right?
Vows time! Devin says he’s been in a “pretty dark place” for some time now, probably referencing his back pain and ibuprofen abuse. But still, wow, what a heavy nuptial. Virginia hasn’t really stopped crying since she hit the aisle.
Devin says “I do,” but Virginia breaks down even more and tells him she’s not ready and leaves. Uh oh! Cut to a friend who is holding in a laugh. Devin starts crying too, and it’s rough, man. Virginia’s dad goes over and gives him a hug. Aw.
“I just don’t understand these girls,” says a voice—I think Devin’s mother’s? “I don’t get it. He doesn’t deserve it.”
Virginia is crying and apologizing to her family in the limo of sadness. “There were depths to our relationship that we just couldn’t get there,” she says, referencing Devin’s unwillingness to talk politics. Although she doesn't mention it on the show, Virginia's mom is Rep. Mary Frances Clardy (DFL-Inver Grove Heights), so politics is kinda a big deal in her family. She didn’t like how he asked her if she voted faith-based but wouldn’t talk about it beyond that. Also, someone in his family gave them a wedding check, but she never heard about it from him, which she felt was shady.
Next Up at the Love Factory of Doom: Daniel and Taylor!
This was the season’s most boring relationship to watch, but Daniel and Taylor seem like nice people and they’ll always have Christmas. Maybe they can expand their interests a little over the years and become Disney adults.
Everyone walks down the aisle as Daniel’s sister sings and plays “I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” on the piano. They exchange beautiful, boring vows, they talk about god a bit, and both agree to get hitched. His brother chants for him to “kiss her on the mouth.”
And we end the season with a montage of the newly singles. Joey and Ben are hopeful, Sara is still doing fine, Devin and Virginia are very sad. Everyone concludes that love is blind, as they are most likely contractually obligated to do so.
Taylor takes us out with the announcement that tonight is all about “operation consummation.” Well, good for them!
The Epilogue: Everyone Has a Spray Tan
Next up is the reunion episode. Or, disunion, I guess. I assume this was filmed in the summer, because all the guys and gals look either super tan or super sunburned, including hosts Nick and Vanessa Lachey. Were you all drunk on a boat somewhere before the show?
Here are the major takeaways from this kinda awkward episode:
- Daniel now has a super-realistic tattoo of Taylor’s eyes on his chest.
- Virginia says some of the convos she had away from the camera with Devin made her uncomfortable, because she is pro-LGBTQ rights and pro-choice. She says he ghosted her; he says he did not. A+ shit stirrers Molly and Madison said he told them he ghosted her, but he tells the audience M&M were all super drunk and don’t know what they are talking about.
- Ben claims he didn’t know his church’s stance on gay marriage because he never needed to know. Privilege!
- Ben and Sara lived together for a few weeks after the show. But when she had to move to Nashville for a few months to finish a nursing contract he ghosted her and unfriended her on socials—only to reappear a few weeks before the reunion to say they should practice responses on values.
- Monica and Joey agree they never got out of the “friend zone.” She says Joey slipped into Madison’s DMs the day after the tubing episode, and he claimed Madison was flirting with him at a bar (that night?). Madison was never interested and would like to be excluded from this narrative.
- Dave owns everything he did on the show and agrees that he fucked up. Lauren doesn’t accept his apology because he… kind of ghosted her after the breakup. But hey, congrats to Dave for being the most self-aware of the dudes tonight.
- Vanessa Lachey seems to out Molly as bisexual. Good thing she never dated Devin!
- Meg and Mason are now BFFs. Madison is still mad at Mason. Mason thanks Madison for thinking he is “smart enough to manipulate someone.”
- Madison and Alex get into it. She has text messages that she printed out in her tiny, tiny dress. The texts don’t make sense without context but Madison points out three skull emojis he sent her like she has the smoking gun. IDK, man. Alex is a creep regardless.
The next season is going to be in Denver, Colorado. Let’s hope the drama isn’t contained to social media interactions and comments like this season one.
