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#ShovelGate: A-Rod Is a Minnesota Shoveling Fraud

Plus legal weed, flammable butter, and a pleasant shovel story in today's Flyover.

Look at this fucking guy...
Instagram: @arod

Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily midday digest of what local media outlets and Twitter-ers are gabbing about.

Rich Asshole Angers Local Publication

Alright, A-Rod, we’ll take the goddamn bait. Unlike the carpetbagging, ‘roid-injecting, centaur-projecting Timberwolves co-owner, we spent the day hacking away at 12.2-inch mountains of heavy, stupid snow. (Haters assert that Racket writers spend every workday “hacking away.”) In any case, you can imagine our indignation upon viewing Rodriguez’s shoveling cosplay Insta post, featuring the Miami resident grinning like an idiot atop an obviously snowplowed horseshoe driveway. Making matters even more annoying, Johnny Damon—a fellow ex-MLBer who shaved away his own credibility—challenged Rodriguez to post video proof of his alleged shoveling heroics. That yielded a clip, set to the Rocky IV soundtrack, of A-Rod taking sorry, skimming swipes at plow runoff outside his mansion:

Come on, man!! A-Rod stinks. His floundering, futureless Wolves stink. Outsiders stealing cheap-heat clout by mimicking our miserable lives? Also stinks. On a less unpleasant note, local R&B/hip-hop standout Ness Nite will perform at halftime of tonight’s eventual Timberwolves loss to the Portland Trailblazers:

DFL: Abortion Today, Weed Tomorrow!

Here’s some possible good news for anyone worried that the new DFL legislative majority might adopt the traditional Democratic tactics of dragging their feet, passing uncontroversial bipartisan legislation, and then launching into a chorus of “we don’t have the votes.” Today party leaders announced their agenda for the newly begun session, per the Minnesota Reformer, and it sounds legit: codifying abortion rights, establishing paid family and medical leave, expanding voting rights, and promoting clean energy goals. In addition, Senate Majority Leader Kari Dziedzic promised more special education funding. “What about weed?” I hear you burnouts wondering. Well, though not on the official agenda as of now (“It’s a very big, complicated issue,” said House Speaker Melissa Hortman), the DFL does plan to make a recreational marijuana bill public tomorrow. 

Is a Butter Fire in Wisconsin the Most Midwestern Disaster Possible?

The only way this accident could be any more Wisconsin would be if there were a cheese curd flood, or some sort of cow rebellion. Late Monday night, firefighters in Portage, Wisconsin, responded to a call that a dairy processing plant in the area was on fire. Inside? A whole lotta butter, which proceeded to melt and escape the facility, clogging storm drains and canals instead of our arteries. As you can imagine, butter + fire is not a great combo, and it look multiple fire crews and emergency teams in hazmat suits several hours to stop not just the spread of flames, but also delicious butter. Thankfully, no injuries were reported, though there are some concerns about butter seeping into historic canals in the area. Food-related disasters are no jokes, folks. Deadly incidents in history include the Boston Molasses Flood, which sent the sweet syrup blasting through the streets at 35 mph, killing 21, and the London Beer Flood, where a tsunami of brew killed seven. (You can read Portage Fire Department’s very long and detailed explanation here.)

And Now, Someone Who Actually DID Clear Snow

It’s winter in Minnesota, which means it’s primo “lay in bed and look at TikToks” weather… and because it’s winter in Minnesota, a lot of local TikToks are also about the weather. We’ve been enjoying the updated take on a classic shoveling mantra: “We don’t have Abbott, we don’t have DeSantis, we don’t have Marjorie Taylor Greene.” And this week’s latest snow dump gave us the clip below, in which a friendly neighbor snowblows a path for someone in a wheelchair. Is it heartwarming winter content, an argument for municipal sidewalk shoveling, or both? You decide!