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Plowy McPlowFace’s Name Is Much Too Small

If you're gonna do it, do it right.

C'mon, man...
Minnesota Department of Transportation

Look, Plowy McPlowFace is a bad name.

When the Minnesota Department of Transportation held a snowplow-naming contest last December, the agency was inundated with 22,000-plus suggestions. Over 122,000 votes were cast for the final 50, and Plowy McPlowFace—an old, stolen concept that channels the epic bacon, I-can-has-cheezburger vibes of memes past—emerged victorious with 65,292.

We could have had the spectacular runner-up Ope, Just Gonna Plow Right Past Ya (29,457). Or the allusion to hardcore sex:

However, the people rallied behind Plowy McPlowFace and, on Monday, MnDOT revealed their prize, which you can see above if you squint really, really hard. What the hell?! I don’t believe in Plowy McPlowFace, but I’d die for its right to be actualized in the large, splashy, and possibly sassy font it demands.

The whole gimmick only works if you see Plowy plowin’ down Lyndale Avenue, delighting apple-cheeked, non-cynical tots who remark, “Here comes Plowy!” Good luck replicating that exact scene with typeface so small, so reserved. Plowy required a bright custom paint job, at least double the flashing lights, and speakers that blared a signature jingle. (“Here Comes Plowy” would have worked just fine.) Mostly though, Plowy deserved legible branding reflective of the communal joy—which was so essential amid the grueling pandemic—that went into his creation.

How cheesed off does this whole ordeal make you? Sound off in the comments! (Offer good to Accomplice- and Racketeer-level subscribers only.)

You can visit Plowy McPlowFace at the Minnesota State Fair near the Education Building on Cosgrove Street. Bad ideas seem to be a theme of this year’s pandemic-era fair, so he should fit right in.