Some of the finest snack foods we have were invented by accident. Potato chips were the creation of a spiteful chef. A wellness guru’s “biologic living” philosophy gave us corn flakes. Nashville hot chicken was a dish intended for revenge.
Then, you have State Auditor Julie Blaha’s beverage discovery, which was first reported yesterday by Axios Twin Cities. “Pouring out a Blahauditor (coffee spiked with Mountain Dew) for @RoshiniR’s last show, which she probably appreciates because she found it disgusting when I brought samples,” Blaha had tweeted, absolutely rocketing past PSL discourse into something else entirely.
So much to unpack here. Let’s start with the fact that she calls this hyper-caffeinated nightmare drink the “Blahauditor” and not a “Blaha Blast.”
Blaha told Axios she invented it after accidentally pouring coffee into a glass of Dew. How would such a thing happen? And even if you got that far… why wouldn’t you pour it directly down the sink? Instead, she took a sip, thought it was “amazing,” and apparently not only still drinks it but recommends it to others, telling Axios that citrus enhances the flavor of coffee as if… we’re the ones being weird about this? Mountain Dew is essentially distilled high fructose corn syrup; it has more in common with a bag of sugar than a lemon.
This is where the lightbulb went off. Maybe Blaha is one of the people who drinks coffee with sugar but no milk or cream. It’s possible that pouring a little Mountain Dew in your morning joe might—if you closed your eyes, held your nose, and said a little prayer—taste not-unlike sugary coffee?
To test the theory, I started with quality beans from Duluth’s Underwood Coffee (I wanted to give Blaha as much of a shot as possible on this one) and added in an ounce (give or take) of Mountain Dew to my pourover.
I just took a sip. Just now, seconds ago. And I can confirm that Blaha is taking a huge L on this one.
It’s not the worst-tasting thing I’ve ever drank, but it’s… the second- or third-worst! The Dew neutralizes any actual coffee flavor and gives it a slick texture; the taste approaches that of a mug of black tea with honey and lemon, if a mug of sweetened tea left you with a citrusy medicinal aftertaste. My partner described it as tasting “exactly like Theraflu.” I took two sips to be a good sport and then dumped the mug.
There you have it folks! Please Dew not try this at home.