Wanna Ruin Baseball? There’s an App for That!

Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily midday digest of what local media outlets and Twitter-ers are gabbing about.

Take Me Out to the Augmented Reality Experience

Love going to baseball games but hate… uh, watching baseball games? Well, the Minnesota Twins are here for you, you weirdo. As of this week, the “Twiniverse” will provide an “augmented reality” distraction from all that tedious fielding, pitching, and hitting. Created by Minneapolis-based startup ARound, the app will, according to Twin Cities Business, allow bored Target Field attendees to use their phones to “throw beach balls and donuts onto the field, destroy towers that erupt in the outfield, and go fishing on the pitcher’s mound.” But that’s not all: There will also be ads. “Imagine, for example, a virtual blimp flying across the screen with a company logo.” Oh hell yeah, I can see it now. Please augment my reality, brands!

Jensen Not Offended by His Nazi Quote, Elicits Hitler Salute from Barbara Abeler

Earlier this week, video surfaced of GOP candidate for governor Scott Jensen comparing mask mandates to the events that led up to WWII and “a guy named Hitler” at a MaskOffMN meeting. This upset most reasonable people, as mask mandates during a health crisis aren't even remotely comparable to the freakin’ Holocaust. Yesterday afternoon, Jensen took to Facebook Live (aka old people TikTok) to evaluate his statements and conclude that... no, actually, what he said was not offensive or even hyperbole. 

“I want to speak to a little bit of a hubbub that’s been in the media lately about whether or not I was insensitive in regards to the Holocaust. I don’t believe I was,” he said. “I was making a comparison between the incremental change that frequently occurs and is oftentimes missed by people living through it at the time. It’s oftentimes incremental change designed by government to effect sweeping societal changes, frequently centering on compliance and control.” Hm. That’s kinda rich coming from a guy who wants to take away women’s body autonomy, control what teachers can talk about in classrooms, and beef up the police.

His recent posts inspired at least one unhinged reaction from Barbara Abeler, wife of Minnesota State Senator Jim Abeler, who took a break from yelling at people on the internet about litter boxes in school bathrooms to post this:

The wife of a sitting senator tweeting "Heil Hitler" seemed significant enough that we reached out to Jim for a comment, but we haven’t heard back.

Patina Closes Uptown Store Without Blaming Crime, COVID, Walz

Turns out you can close your business in Minneapolis without being a dick about it. Today, Patina announced that it was shutting down its Franklin and Hennepin location in Uptown in a very pleasant Instagram post that did not at all imply that woke fascists were conspiring to bring about its downfall. “We have enjoyed being a part of this vibrant and diverse neighborhood,” the fancy-smelling gift shop stated on Instagram. “We are very grateful and appreciative to our loyal customers and staff who have made that location so special.” Patina opened in Uptown in 1995 at 24th and Hennepin (now Spyhouse Coffee), and soon moved around the corner to the soon-shuttered present location. The shop’s last day of business is this Sunday, August 28. Patina’s other Minneapolis location, 50th Street and Bryant, will remain open.

Cute Animal Palate Cleanser

Don't know about y'all, but we need one. Up first: Take a look at this tiny primate!!! That's a baby cotton-top tamarin born at the Lake Superior Zoo in Duluth in early August—one of the teeny-tiniest and also most endangered primates in the world. Born to mom and dad Mira and Deno, respectively, the pint-sized little critter will only ever grow to nine inches tall (with a 10-inch tail), weighing in at less than a pound (and looking like David Bowie in Labyrinth). Zoo officials don't know if the baby is a male or a female yet; we stan this nonbinary icon. Meanwhile, the Minnesota Zoo released the names of its new tiger cubs earlier today—say hello to Vostok, Brosno, and Yana, each named for bodies of water in their native eastern Asia habitat.