Welcome back to The Flyover, your daily midday digest of what local media outlets and Twitter-ers are gabbing about.
They’re Laughing at Us, Minnesota!
More specifically, the sports commentariat is mocking the Timberwolves and their fans for celebrating last night’s win over the Clippers, which put Minnesota in the playoffs for only the third time since 2004. (That was also the last year the Wolves won a playoff series.) Did Pat Bev go a little over the top, jumping on the scorer’s table, flinging off his jersey, weeping, and trash-talking his former team? Well, yeah. But that was no reason for the jerks at TNT to play “We Are the Champions” to make fun of our overexcited ballers. “They was kissing babies, god damn,” laughed Charles Barkley—more like Charles SNARKley, if you ask me (please do not ask me)—while LeBron James millennially tweeted laughing-till-you-cry emojis at the Wolves. Well, jokes on you, fellas. There is nothing—maybe not even a championship—that Minnesota loves more than feeling defensively self-righteous about being ridiculed by coastal media elites. This is a win-win for us.
Let’s Talk About the Failed “Citizen’s Arrest” in St. Paul Last Night
School board meetings—that’s where all the action is at these days. Unfortunately. The big news takeaway from last night’s school board meeting in St. Paul is that masks will be optional in St. Paul Public Schools, a change authorized by a vote of 6-1. But the Pioneer Press also reports that it was an unruly gathering, with attendees flinging about debunked Covid misinfo and assertions of their constitutional rights. Apparently there were demands for the board to read the Pledge of Allegiance aloud too. And then there’s this detail: “One [attendee] stepped forward to declare he was making a citizen’s arrest before retreating to the back of the room when he was ignored.” Who was he gonna arrest? The school board? The superintendent? Joe Biden? The “system”? One man’s opinion: Y’all are just a bunch of goofballs. Sit the hell down.
The carcass of Uptown, long dead since the Gap left in 2006, is slowly being consumed by an alien life form from Chicago. Real estate investors Northpond Partners purchased Calhoun Square in 2019, and have been busy bees in the area since, renaming the property Seven Points, throwing activists/gardeners honoring Winston Smith and Deona Marie Erickson off the property, and planning a $150 million project to turn the building into some sort of condo/grocery store/mini-golf hybrid. Kitchen Window fled first, and now Crate and Barrel’s hipster cousin CB2 is leaving. It will be open through April 24, if you’re looking for some discounted rugs or wine stoppers. It’s not all doom and gloom over there, however, as Uptown Cafe just announced a ribbon cutting ceremony this Saturday for its new location right across the street from the mall.
Local Giant Head Makes It Into Architectural Digest
When Kacey Musgraves purchased a giant bust from Hunt & Gather and rode off with it in an SUV limo, we assumed that would be the last we’d see of it. However, Musgraves announced via Instagram that the head will be popping up in a photoshoot for Architectural Digest.
H&G owner Kristi Stratton, who we talked to last summer, explained that the piece is made from resin and is fairly lightweight, which probably makes it easy to move around for photoshoots. Musgraves purchased the head from the south Minneapolis antiques/oddity shop at a discount. “We had it marked $750, and she wanted it for a discount,” Stratton told us in January. “It’s like, wait a second: You’ve won six Grammys, but whatever, it’s cool. So she got it for $675.”
Minneapolis Police Distribute Free Hams
Lol, sorry, we’re not even gonna touch this one. The fish is just too big and the barrel way too small.